My Power, My Pleasure, My Pain

the third.

2010-05-31T03:30:00.000+08:00

the third.

23rd May 2010

2010-05-23T03:23:00.001+08:00

I have never seen so many diamonds in the sky, so many jewels in the sea.....

I have never tasted salty chocolate cake fresh from the sea. I have never swam with butterflies. I have never held clownfishes in my bare hands. I have never read my birthday letters to anyone. Until 23rd May 2010.

While friends were sleeping after witnessing the sun rise, I spent the time strolling along the sandy beach alone. Then came 3 adorable children.

Their presence made me reminisce about my younger days... Their laughter, smiles, naive jokes, made me happy. I'd never thought that strangers could make me smile and laugh so much on my birthday. I have never fancied noisy children, but them... I grew to love.

It hurts to see the look on their faces as I was leaving. When they hug me so tight the last few minutes... I dreamt about them on the way to the ferry terminal. Isn't it strange how some people could make an impact despite the short period of time?

I may know them for only a morning, but I will love them for a lifetime.

"While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about."

Thanks ladies for the wonderful getaway. Appreciate everything. Really. ;)

http://kykin.multiply.com/photos/album/490

not a wish came true, it's an answered prayer

2010-04-03T15:26:00.002+08:00

not a wish came true, it's an answered prayer

2 years later

2010-04-02T15:23:00.000+08:00

2 years later...

of limitless possibilities and untold memories.

2009-11-02T23:50:00.002+08:00

of limitless possibilities and untold memories.

Only a life lived for others is worth living - Albert Einstein

2009-10-14T03:20:00.000+08:00

We meet many people along the way. Some left footprints worth reminiscing, others left scars worth erasing.

After an evening with my girls, shopping and watching a movie, I took a cab home, in hopes of enjoying the serenity of red lights snaking their way through the expressways.

After telling the driver my destination, I was mentally preparing myself for tomorrow, secretly mourning over waking up early in the morning, the 2 hour ride, the morning human traffic and so on.

“Going home?”

Tired, I replied politely, “Yes.”

“Me too.”

Diagonally from the backseat, I could only see less than half of his features. The creases that crawl up his face suggest he’s in his 50s. I looked at the screen for his name, a habit I adopted since forever. Mr. Afgan asked questions which require one-word answers. Somehow, the intervals of silences between the questions became rhythmic and developed into a pattern. After quickly studying the pattern, I decided to turn the awkward silences into conversation.

“So where do you live?” I asked, stretching the conversation.

“Hougang.”

“Oh wow, that’s very near, you’re lucky,” I smiled, despite knowing he wouldn’t be able to see me in the dark. However, I know he could tell I’m smiling. “From morning?”

“Yes, from morning, everyday it’s like that.”

“Same old thing huh. Life… A routine.”

“Life is cruel.”

I froze, thinking where this conversation is heading. Mr Afgan went on, “Do you agree that life is cruel?”

“Yes, it is. Partly.”

Somehow, I feel negative ions heating up the cab. I changed topic.
“So, how long have you been driving?”

“About 5 years. I was retrenched. You know, one day they told me to pack my bag and leave. ‘Enough was enough’ they said,” he chuckled, with not a pinch of dishonesty.

“So what were you doing then?”

“I was with Singapore Telecom.”

He asked if I’m working tomorrow, and I complained abut having to wake up early in the morning and so on. I asked for directions to get to Singapore Discover Centre from MRT station Joo Koon.

He asked if I’m enjoying what I do and gave a word of advice, “The most important thing is enjoy what you do. If you have a passion for it, it’s good… So where do you teach?”

We went on, talking about how I can’t stand primary school kids etc. I expressed my plans on furthering my studies. Delighted, he interrupted, “My friend is also studying, getting his PhD. Oh, he’s teaching too, at some JC, Millennia I think… Don’t know if you know him, Arzami.”

I was pondering, recalling, and mentally joining the dots of the name to faces. It sounded so familiar; I know I know someone by the name.

“He lives in Hougang too.”

Some loud bell rang in my densely occupied head.

“Oh! Daughter?”

“Huh?”

“He has daughters? 4 daughters?”

“Yes, yes.”

“He lives right opposite the CHIJ right?”

“Yes, yes”

What a small world. I explained that his daughter is one of my close friends during my Poly days. And that one of my Secondary School friend’s brother-in-law’s brother is him. I kept on exclaiming how small the world is. I asked how they got acquainted and Mr. Afgan said through some social work.

One thing led to another, he talked about soccer. So I asked which club he is supporting. Oh man. The Devils. When he came to know I’m a Liverpool fan, much to my surprise, he didn’t give any negative remarks. (Something my friends would do.) Perhaps, his tender age didn’t allow for him to do so.

We talked about soccer, how it brings people together. He told me of his younger years, when he played soccer with legends like Dollah Kassim and others. They played soccer, rain or shine. All he could think of was soccer. He recalled those times when the players were under Mr. Choo, Singapore’s coach then.

“Uncle, it’s so sad, my journey is coming to an end soon! You’re one of the best taxi drivers I’ve met, I met one last time, he drove me home twice in a week…” I talked, without breathing, “I want you to know that you made my night, really uncle. I enjoy talking to you!”

He smiled as he handed me the receipt, “What’s your name?”

“It’s Lela.”

“Ok Lela, goodnight, nice talking to you too. If you need me, ask Arzami for my number!”

“Sure, thanks uncle, good night!”

I came home all smiling, greeting Mom and Dad, telling them I had a good conversation with a cab driver. Engrossed with Singapore Idol, they ignored me. I looked like I just came back from a date with Josh Hartnett.

Ok wow. I talk a lot.

Well the point is… I enjoy having deep conversations with strangers, getting to know what matters the most to them, what are their perceptions on certain issues, etc.

With Mr. Afgan, we talked about a lot of things, life, work, soccer. I learnt something about him, and I feel contented. Long ago, I made a promise to myself, to make at least one person smile everyday. Like Albert Einstein once said, “Only a life lived for others is worth living.”

I see Mr. Afgan as more than just a taxi driver. He’s a fatherly figure, easy to relate to. In addition to that, he listens well to. When I think of the conversation we had, it’s like Mitch Albom and his professor, –or coach- Morrie Schwartz. If you have read Tuesdays With Morrie, you’d know what I mean. Oh man that book made me cry a lot of times!

I love conversations. It doesn’t have to be deep. It doesn’t have to be political. It doesn’t have to have to have a topic. It’s about sharing and knowing about things.

Mr. Afgan made a difference to my night tonight. I can’t explain the feeling, but it’s greater than great. I hope he smiles when he thinks of me, as much as he has carved the smile on my face right now, for I’ve vowed to make at least one person smile each day.

Quote - Fate

2009-10-13T02:01:00.001+08:00

Fate succumbs many a species;
one alone jeopardises itself.
- W. H. Auden

Fame = Lame

2009-10-04T22:16:00.005+08:00

Fame = Lame

(Contains Spoilers)

Let’s see. It’s been awhile since I write reviews, but I shall clear the cobwebs in my head and recall whatever film theories I’ve learnt (long live Ms Ng!) in those Mass Comm years.

Years ago, I glued myself to the original video by Irene Cara (LOVE HER!) to grasp the choreography for a school production. That was how big a fan of Fame (1980) I was. My girls and I looked forward to every training session! We had some girls wanting to join us, but we could only settle for 6 dancers. Sorry!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTJHjuhCYos

If you have watched the original Fame (1980), you would probably anticipate for an equally good or better remake. Watching Fame (2009) left me speechless; aghast; for awhile. I couldn’t recall a scene in the movie that was poignant or remarkable. Thank God I got the ticket at student price. Still, I was cursing and swearing, besides singing along to the song, couldn’t even care less about the rolling credits.

Fame (2009) is forgettable. It is 3 High School Musicals all squeezed into 107 minutes. With predictable storylines and scripts (the actors mouthed me, I swear), there wasn’t enough time for audience to build any emotional connection with the characters or handpick any underdogs.

The film fails to bring out the essence of the original one. Don’t be fooled by the trailer – which was specifically aimed at its demographic audience – or the music video even. Whatever dance you see in the 3:27 minutes video are all that there are in the film, trust me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBWMX7miPCs

Fame (2009) tries too hard to resemble plenty of dance movies out there. It doesn’t end there; it did a lot more worse by injecting too many characters, having everyone bear the brunt of the burden in shouldering the film through its ridiculous runtime.

The movie isn’t about a school with young hopefuls, it's about a fictitious institution flooded to the brim with painfully beautiful pimple-free youths and tons of hotties who pops like corn. It is packed with over-processed young actors with expensive haircuts and wardrobe. Nothing memorable occurs. This should have been called "Fame: Another High School Musical"

In the original film, a handful of personalities burst onto screen and their characters were revealed as layers peeled away. This remake is a giveaway, much to my surprise.

Here are SOME of the one-dimensional characters (I can’t even grasp half of their names, and I’m not the only one)

- A cliché black guy who is full of torment and angst that his father left him, all rebellious and filled with wrath.

- A black girl who is forced to play classical piano by her parents when all she really wants to do is sing.

- A typical geeky video guy who always seems to have a camera in his hands when you see him. You would expect him to have all the good shots and angles, but no, his shots were amateur. It’s really not a wonder how such a novice gets scammed out of $5000!

- A male ballet dancer who tries very hard to impress his teacher and contemplated suicide when his career amounts to nothing. He might as well just jump for it would have brought something to this movie!

- A girl who pursues a role in Sesame Street despite having 3 more months to graduation. WHAT?!

- A young girl actress-wannabe-singer who starts singing in a little tiny voice all shy and quiet and still remains wooden after being in a supposedly good school, accepting the best of the best, or at least polishing uncut diamonds!

We're suppose to believe that after their graduation they're all "ready to make it" in the big, bad, unforgiving world of fine art performance. At the beginning of the movie, there goes the principal telling these newcomers that only hundreds were accepted from the thousands of hopefuls. She’s talking bull.

Unfortunately the output is pretty much the same as the input, save for a few characters, who turned into less-than-perfect gems overnight, with nary any focus on their transformation.

Fame (2009) should have focused more on the professional growth of each student over the years by spotlighting the student/teacher dynamic; not flaunting the futile personal endeavors of each student over a four-year span at a prestigious academy. So by the end, the school backdrop felt completely pointless because the students learned absolutely nothing to separate their senior level experience from the original insecurity of their auditions!

The movie lacks focus on the character development due to the influx of main characters. If there is a reduction in the number of characters, we would be able to see the main ones evolve. Clearly, there wasn’t enough screen time. I guess it was all touch-and-go due to the timeline. Fame (2009) is broken into four, “Freshman Year”, “Sophomore Year”, “Junior Year” and “Senior Year”. It would have been better if these are just omitted. “The movie could have been vastly improved by simply stripping out these time stamps.”

The script and dialogue is not any better. It is predictable. Like I mentioned earlier, the actors mouthed me. The plot feels forced and irrelevant to what the movie claims to be about. Though it is predictable, it bursts as a surprise too! Negatively. The cast had a lot of potential to become very likable characters but because of the poor script, their performances fall flat and fake.

The high points of this film are the cinematography and the film editing which are very good, but you forget about the look of the shots after all the mindless droning of the characters. I was really expecting the main characters to gel up and perform “Fame” but NO!
The choreography wasn't too bad but you can find much better in other films, say Honey, Take The Lead or Step Up.

Technically, director Kevin Tancharoen and cinematographer Scott Kevan had opted for the shaky camera technique, for what reasons I do not fathom, and came off quite irritatingly. Someone should start preaching the virtues of mounting the camera of a tripod, versus making it a lame excuse to want to do it documentary style, or to allow for fluid motion in capturing the performances, not!

Guess what, this is Tancharoen’s break in films. He has done only music-related videos/programmes, working with people like Britney Sprears, Christina Aguilera and Pussycat Dolls among others. Check him out
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1160495/bio

The question is, who’s the Coco (Irene Cara) in this movie? Next, will Fame (2009) be able to grasp some awards, like Fame (1980) did? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080716/awards

Similar to other audience, I entered the theatre with hopes of being entertained even if it was on a strictly "crowd pleaser" level.

I left feeling like I had just wasted an hour and a half; besides the student-priced ticket of $6.50. Here’s an advise people, don't waste your time with this movie, and if you still want to, at least wait for it to come out on DVD. The large screen, dark theater, and nachos won't make this movie any better than the dud that it is.

This is one film that won’t live forever. I'd rather not remember its name, and could be called anything else other than a remake of Fame.

GREEN Soya bean drink from YEO's and FANTA APPLE are NOT HARAM.

2009-09-29T01:55:00.000+08:00

GREEN Soya bean drink from YEO's and FANTA APPLE are

NOT HARAM.

Received an email, which I think is damn absurd. I don't know what the person gains from doing so, spreading such a hoax.

This was my reply (to all):

Hi all,

Just want to let you know that while some take the initiative to forward emails as such, I tend to check for its reliability, as I think there are just some who nak 'menyusahkan' hidup Muslims with all these rubbish.

Sodium Benzoate, E211
Potassium metabisulphite, E224

The above-mentioned chemicals has got nothing to do with pork or fat either, as both of them are salts.

I believe I have done enough research to substantiate these facts.

For example, from website that lists all the E-code ingredients produced from all over the world, these 2 DO NOT contain animal fats AT ALL. Nor do they originate from any animals. E211 is SODIUM SALT OF BENZOIC ACID AND E224 IS POTASSIUN METABISULPHITE.

So please, before mass emailing, do your part in ensuring the reliability of the content. Tak ke kolot kalau forward sembarang, menyusahkan sesama Muslims, in the end, it's not true at all.

Thanks for your time.

-------------------------------

The email I received:

Awas semua muslimin dan muslimah!

GREEN BEAN SOY DRINK Salam semua. Kali ini saya nak sentuh ttg minuman ringan keluaran Yeo Hiap Seng, jenama salah satu pembekal minuman ringan yg tak asing lagi di rantau ini khususnya Singapura dan Malaysia.

Pernahkah anda dengar ttg keluaran produk minuman YHS yg terkini, khususnya minuman kacang soya fusion dgn kacang hijau? Jika anda di Singapura, harap2 baca dulu ya, bahan-bahan yg terkandung dalam minuman ini.

Semasa saya ke salah sebuah pasaraya tempatan, terpandang saya ke arah minuman ini yg saya fikir adalah salah satu lagi keluaran terbaru YHS. Iyerlah, apalah bahan yg nak dibubuh dlm minumankan? So I pick up one and brought to office. Tapi, bila saya baca ingredientsnya........

Apa ke benda ni? Rupa-rupanya E471 is derived from pig. MasyaAllah, dah takde lagi ke sumber yg baik, yg murni, darimana pihak pengeluar nak dapatkan bahan atau sumber utk membuat produk minuman mereka???? Tidakkah mereka peka dgn pengguna2 Islam yg sememangnya ramai telah terbiasa dgn minuman yg mereka bekalkan atas jenama YHS???

Belek punya belek.....hah, patutlah. Minuman ni diperbuat di....... di negara yg dah mmg dah tersohor bubuh melamine dalam susu!!

Apapun, saya sekedar berkongsi info dan diharap sesiapa yg teringin nak merasa minuman jenama YHS "Green Bean Soy Drink", lupakan sajalah niat anda tu. Tak berbaloi bahan yg haram jika memasuki dlm tubuh badan kita ni!! Harap dapat sebarkan info ini terutama sekali kpd anak-anak kita yg mungkin kurang arif ttg perkara ini.

Pls forward this message to all your friends :-

Do not drink FANTA APPLE, as it contains (E211, E224) Fat of Pork(PIG)

Pls DO NOT DELETE before you forward to at least one friend.

--------------------------

Utter nonsense. They should just stop all these. I don't see any benefits from spreading this. Fame? Popularity? Join Ms Universe or go record an album. Brainless morons.

Please fellow Muslims, do a thorough check-up on whatever products. Selagi MUIS or Berita Harian tak indicate anything, janganlah senang diperdaya oleh such despisable emails.

One who believes in nothing but facts.

Fahez's Night To Remember.

2009-09-12T03:49:00.000+08:00

I would risk my life for you dear friend, because I love you.

I would do anything to save your life, anything.

Because I love you.

I Hope You Dance - Lee Ann Womack (2)

2009-09-08T19:28:00.001+08:00

May you never take one single breath for granted;

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed...

I hope you dance - Lee Ann Womack

2009-09-07T03:44:00.000+08:00

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean;

but never fear those mountains in the distance...

2009-09-03T15:48:00.000+08:00

Some day I will find the courage to embrace you,

some day I will find the strength to erase you.

Happy Teachers' Day!

2009-08-31T01:42:00.003+08:00

Happy Teachers' Day!!!

To all colleagues and those who have taught me, directly or indirectly!!!

From Garfield

2009-08-12T15:44:00.000+08:00

Oh what about your pitiful existence and how,

with your limited mental assets,

only hopelessness and despair await you

for all eternilty.

What's The Root of Achievement?

2009-08-06T15:21:00.001+08:00

There’s nothing worse than having to invigilate a bunch of unwell students. Stuck with them in one of the air-conditioned (yes, I wonder why) classrooms in the basement, the temperature put weight on my eyes, as the transfusion of air slowly evaporated my soul, flying to Dreamland.

It was a sleepy Wednesday. I was trying really hard to stay awake, walked around, scrutinized their papers (at least I pretended to) and did things non-related. Like... Selecting 10 similar paper clips and chucking them into my pencil case, looking at their calculator covers, trying to comprehend each self-decorated designs…

It doesn’t help that I have a partner. It’s not like we can talk while invigilating. I parked myself at one of the comfortable cushioned-seats. Next to me sat an innocent, harmless paper. I tried hard to ignore the calling. Made my round and landed on the same chair. I just had to do it. I couldn’t resist it. So I finally took the plunge to read it.

“What’s the Main Difference Between People Who Achieved and People Who Are Average?” in bold, followed by a quote by J. M. Barrie (he created Peter Pan, for those of you who aren’t cartoon freaks like me), “We are all failures – at least, all the best of us are.”

And the lines woke me like no alarm clock – or even phone calls – could. Since there was another teacher invigilating too, I guess it wouldn’t hurt if I read it. So I went on, and these I want to share:

What’s The Root of Achievement?

What makes the difference? Why do some people achieve so much? Is it…

- Family background? Having a good family growing up is something to be grateful for, but it’s not a reliable indicator of achievement. High percentages of successful people come from broken homes.

- Wealth? No, some of the greatest achievers come from households of average to below-average means. Wealth is no indicator of high achievement, and poverty is no guarantee of low achievement.

- Opportunity? You know, opportunity is a peculiar thing. Two people with similar gifts, talents, and resources can look at a situation, and one person will see tremendous opportunity while the other sees nothing. Opportunity is in the eye of the beholder.

- High morals? I wish that were the key, but it’s not. I’ve known people with high integrity who achieve little. And I’ve known scoundrels who are high producers. Haven’t you?

- The absence of hardship? For every achiever who has avoided tragedy, there’s Helen Keller who overcame extreme disabilities or a Viktor Frankl who survived absolute horrors. So that’s not it either.

No, none of these things are the key. When it comes right down to it, I know of only one factor that separates those who consistently shine from those who don’t: The difference between average people and achieving people is their perception of and response to failure. Nothing else has the same kind of impact on people’s ability to achieve and to accomplish whatever their minds and hearts desire.

-----

Okay. This is my thing. The genre that keeps me craving for more – self-help/motivational books. I’m not really into novels, my life is already a saga of its own. Hahahahaha.

Melodious was the sound of freedom. The chime. No, not for me, for my partner. I still have one more period before tasting the emancipation of liberty. She left, leaving me. Putting that aside, continued invigilating. There was only one thing in my mind – to complete reading the pieces of paper.

After everything, I rushed to the office, sat and read. The first thing I looked for was a title, or author or something. There wasn’t any!!! I continued reading, there was a line, “My book The Winning Attitude has been in print for more than fifteen years”. So this morning, I Googled it. The author is John C. Maxwell. He’s a dynamic pastor and motivational speaker (something I wish I could see myself doing someday) who writes motivational books. Duh. Because he’s a pastor, Maxwell’s writings are more than often infused with Bible contents.

I went on reading reviews of The Winning Attitude. “The bad news is that it’s light on the contemplative life. If I read Maxwell right, you don't win by practising solitude, meditation, being still. Maxwell's approach is a synthesis of the Puritan ethic and the American 5-star success philosophy. (And, if you want to be picky, you could also criticise his sexist language and use of the King James Version Bible sometimes).” – Rowland Croucher.

Editor Thomas F. Fisher, who has listened to all of Maxwell’s leadership 100 series and subscribed to Injoy Tapes, read several of his books, and attended four of his seminars made an editorial comment:

“I enjoy Maxwell, but have always felt that he's being driven by an inner voice of unmet needs of recognition, acceptance and competency. I know it's a bit cynical. Also, I agree with your observation that puritan ethic+attitude=success is a bit short on spirituality and the working of God. Indeed, the approach may be successful. But, it may also be very heavy on Law and very light on Gospel. I believe he's wound up so tight because he's one of those control-oriented leaders. Control to his degree can work to a point...but comes so insidiously close to idolatry."

Wow. I’ve been blabbering. I just want to share that tiny bit of information, that’s all. True isn’t it. I have always believed that it’s one’s perception that determines his/her life, not the external factors such as family background, friends, wealth etc. Shakespeare once said, “Things are not good or bad, but our thinking makes them so.”

I better put an end to this before I start composing a thesis.

Covers

2009-05-25T02:28:00.000+08:00

I guess it's refreshing to hear artistes doing covers of old songs. It's like infusing a fresh breath of air into these (probably) forgotten songs.

As much as I love covers such as Take My Breath Away by Jessica Simpson, (originally performed by Berlin), or Bowling For Soup's London Bridge (Fergie), there are some covers which just do nothing, but murdering the songs. Take Switchfoot's Crazy In Love (Beyonce) or New Found Glory's Cry Me A River (Justin Timberlake). They killed the songs. Perfectly. It's sad. Then again, it's subjective.

Of course there are some like David Cook, who does it better than the original artiste. I am so in love with his rendition of Mariah Carey's Always be My Baby! ;)

Rihanna's Umbrella, the hit which stayed at its peak in numerous charts has been covered by countless artistes like All Time Low, Mandy Moore, My Chemical Romance, One Republic, Biffy Clyro, Manic Street Preachers, Vanilla Sky and Taylor Swift. Guess what. These folks will never be able to do it like the Rihanna herself. Of course, there are some which I enjoy listening to, like renditions from Vanilla Sky and One Republic. Other than that, give justice to original artistes and stop killing top hits!

A woman so heartless.

2009-05-22T04:58:00.001+08:00

Go on and call me heartless; for all I know, I probably care about you more than anyone else.

When you were out with the assholes, I couldn't sleep until I know you're safe home. And no, I didn't even have to force myself to stay awake. It just happens naturally. I can't sleep soundly if you're outside. I don't know why or how this happens, but I feel the need to know that you're home. Safe. Without any cuts or bruises.

I am upset, disappointed, pissed and angry. And I know you feel these towards me too. The last people you should disappoint are your family members. I can't imagine the look on their faces, especially your Mom.

I don't know how many more tears I have to shed for this friendship. You should know that the first tear in 2009 I emitted was because of you. No, I'm not complaining, nor am I dwelling, I just want you to realise you're someone in my life. I couldn't thank God enough for sending me an Angel. (Though I think He wasn't in the right mood when He created you. And yes, you're one of my Angels.)

I can't stop crying since I fled and ran home. I don't know how I managed to run, but yes I did. As much as I want to stay, I couldn't put up with the fakeness anymore. Leaving was the better option than bringing everyone's mood down together with mine. I can't hold back my tears, and I don't want you people to see me cry. Running and crying made me really tired right now, I am phisically, mentally and emotionally tired.

I really don't want Saturday to happen because you're not going to be there. I want to celebrate that moment with you. I can't imagine you absent. The first thing that came to mind when you said you're not able to make it was "How am I gonig to smile without him?"

23rd May means nothing to me if you're not there. Nothing.

Call me heartless.

Emotions

2009-05-09T04:32:00.000+08:00

Was engulfed in myriads of feelings today.

Had a sulky afternoon when Mom nagged, leaving me pissed and moodless. She was mad with Granny. Granny didn't know where her passport was. Mom is bringing her and the other Granny to Johor tomorrow. That's Mom. If she's mad with 'A', 'B' to 'Z' will get sprinkles of her too. And boy was I one pissed daughter!

Fisted with frustration, I brought my boiling Dilmah Tea (it's heaven, I swear!) to my room and read a book. It sent me crying!!!!! Like non-stop! (Until I realised I was late! Heee!) I was sobbing, I swear. It's a sweet story. I'll type it here when I have the chance. Or time for that matter ;p

Then I got excited, meeting my primary school friends. Purpose of meeting? One of us is getting engaged a day after my birthday, so we're meeting to get the invitation card. Wow, one day I'm getting old, the next, another reminder.

Before meeting the entire bunch, had to pass something to my friend's friend, which made me feel... I don't know. Awkward and nervous? I have never seen him, and to pass something to him, feels funny.

Anyways. Had dinner with friends at Simpang Bedok, where I as utterly disappointed with the Roti John Cheese. It's nothing like 511's. NOTHING. I was very disappointed. The cheese isn't embedded in the Roti John, it's just some stupid TASTELESS cheesy sauce! WTF!!!!!

Spent the last few hours with friends at Bedok Reservoir Park, where love was in the air. (All because I'm out in the open, in a park with a full moon staring me in the eyes! HAHA!) I really feel the love. Hahahahaha.

Now that I'm home, I read a conversation dated May 1st. I didn't realise that person did something, until I saw he cut and pasted stuffs, which made me smile. Really smiling.

4 Ls

2009-05-08T04:34:00.000+08:00

Light, Love, Life, Luck

Test, nothing more, nothing less.

2009-04-16T15:11:00.003+08:00

"O Muslim women,

do not belittle the gift of any woman in your neighbourhood,

even if it happens to be a goat's hoof."

HADITH OF AL-BUKHARI AND MUSLIM

ON THE AUTHORITY OF ABU HURAYRAH

If you can't beat them, join them. Familiar? Sure. Well, I don't stoop so low. Under certain circumstances, I'd rather just sit and watch the world goes round in my sedentary position.

To think that I don't post entries everyday, you probably think I'm dead. Maybe not. Who would have thought I have religious readers.

Say whatever you want to say about me, my conscience is clear. Stepping on my toes doesn't kill me. Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope. (Al-Baqarah: 286)

We're all tested. You're just a test. Nothing more, nothing less.

Abraham Lincoln

2009-04-15T15:06:00.001+08:00

"People are just about as happy as they

make up their mind to be."

-Abraham Lincoln

BITCH!

2009-03-25T02:43:00.006+08:00

Okay so here's the thing. If anyone has problems with me, kindly show yourself and approach me.

Hiding in the dark, seeing me in pain makes you happy? Sure, I can accept that. Thing is, if you want to kill me, kill me alone, don't involve other people in my life whom I treasure. Now that, I can't accept.

Hating me won't make you a better person.

I know you're smart. I know you'll clean up your crime scene. You framed me, hoping my world will come crumbling down? Let me tell you something, this doesn't kill me, I'm much more of a stronger person thanks to you.

God works in miraculous ways, one day, when the truth surface, we'll see who'll have the last laugh.

Shakespeare, "To climb steep hills..."

2009-03-20T03:18:00.001+08:00

"To climb steep hills requires a slow pace at first," said Shakespeare.

I'm not someone who enjoys job-hopping, let alone being jobless. While I understand that 99.9% of humanity at any one time hate working, there are those who are incessantly obsessed and passionate about their job. Now that is the category I'd like to be in. Comfortably in.

One of the reasons why I hate job-hopping is the shift in environment. I don't enjoy starting all over, getting acquainted, meet new colleagues, etc. I don't enjoy adjusting myself to Culture Shock. Seriously.

True, many have questioned why I hate stepping into a new environment, considering I'm a people-person, able to blend well and warm up easily with others. Honestly, I don't know. I just hate it. Alot. I swear.

Having said that however, I am in the midst of a career switch. Following my Brain have landed me my current job. Following my Heart (and a little degree of my Brain), have resulted in me taking a calculated risk.

Just when I thought I'm looking for options to fasten my pace in overcoming the steepness, here I am, back at the foot of the hill.

Only junkies have the answer

2009-03-12T00:56:00.000+08:00

I guess I spoke too soon about people from my past coming back. The number just grows. Oh and sometimes... Just sometimes... They have more in common than I thought they do.

MSN nick could matter alot. No. I guess me being sick helps. Haha. So I was home early, went online to complete my love letter.

Then came people, one by one, online... And something caught my eye. The nick. Of course, I started the conversation.

I swear it's the most awkward conversation ever. But hey, I think we have more to talk about!

A blast from the past can be exciting sometimes. Well, it wouldn't hurt so bad, if it didn't feel this good.

Well, like he said, "only junkies have the answer" ;)

Lela yearns for more.

2009-03-05T16:45:00.004+08:00

There's just something inside of me which yearns for more.

I miss the good old times, when nothing matters.

I miss the times when I don't give a shit about the world.

All I want was fun.

Try new stuffs.

Knowing what I want.

I miss my old life.

I miss those times when I don't give a shit about anything.

I miss those times when I can get whatever I want.

I miss those times when being a bitch was the best thing in life, I swear.

I miss those times when being bitchy was the best feeling of all.

I miss wild nights with guys.

I miss flirting with men.

I miss grinding moments.

I miss rendezvouz sessions.

I miss, "Can I buy you a drink?"

I miss, "Let's get naughty tonight."

I miss, "Target, $600?"

I miss, "Riding? JB?"

I miss, "Chalet?"

I miss, "By."

I miss Me.

Gemini

2009-02-14T20:26:00.024+08:00

I have never believed in Star signs, Horoscopes, Zodiacs and whatnot. I can’t deny the fact that there are vast similarities in the description though. Then again, there are similarities between me and the other Star signs. It’s like I fit into Virgo’s descriptions, Saggitarius’, Capricon’s etc.

One afternoon at work, for some unknown reasons, I decided to Google. So so, these are said about Geminis, A.K.A. me. And of course, being Ms Chatterbox that I am, I'll comment. Thank you!

Gemini is known as the Twin for those born May 22 to June 21. This is an approximation because of the irregular rotation of the earth and therefore not every year will Gemini begin exactly on the 22nd or even end on the 21st.

My birthday falls on May 23rd. Of course, I'm a Gemini EVERY year.

When I think of Gemini what comes to mind is the witty, bright and often restless nature of one who needs constant mental stimulation, variety and most important; space and freedom.

Very true. This one paragraph describes me in a nutshell. Space and freedom are deemed important! ;)

The key phrase that best describes the Twins is “I think.” Your mind never stops which can also makes you a bit on the nervous side but at least you are never boring and then again you may not be sticking around very long to become boring. You are like a butterfly flying from flower to flower wanting to meet everyone and learn everything so that no stone is left unturned. Which of course, all this intense curiosity can leave you mentally drained causing you to retreat to recharge that others see as being moody but maybe you are better described as manic and entertaining rather than using that boring adjective of moody to pin on you.

Yes, when my nervous symptoms struck, I'll froze. There are just days when I'm nervous at the stupid-est moments, like alighting from a bus, ordering food. Weird isn't it? But hey, I'm not a boring person, THANK GOD. (That is if, this entire description is nothing but the truth, hee!)

An acquaintance of mine, asked around, wanting to know more about me, one of the things my friend told his friend is "Lela is a social butterfly." AWW! Guess I am. Ironically, I love butterflies. Ok, enough said. I love meeting people. =) As in making more friends, but literally M-E-E-T-I-N-G people, that depends! Yes, I can me mentally drained. Honestly, I don't know how to describe 'moody'. Thanks to this paragraph, I have a clearer understanding of myself. Hahaha~

The symbol associated with your sign is the Twins. The constellation of Gemini is recognized in the sky by its two stars, side by side, like identical twins. However one star is brighter than the other indicating that there is a bright and divine side to Gemini but also a darker side that Gemini’s need to accept and not repress as best described in the famous tale of Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde.

Yes, I admit, I can be the nicest person on Earth, and I can make u regret knowing me. I have my reasons. Sometimes, the only way to get someone to forget you, is to make that person hates you, but believe me, it's never easy to put up a facade.

In classical art, the Gemini twins are most portrayed as young children, and the curiosity of the youthful mind that is often reckless and impertinent also describes the Gemini temperament. The myth of Peter Pan also depicts the nature of Gemini’s due to this restless, roaming and innocent nature of the mind, seeking always to explore uncharted areas and to be constantly stimulated.

No wonder I'm still 7 at heart! Hahahahahahahahaha. This explains my imaginary friends. Hey! Hey! Hey! Ido have imaginary friends. I'll talk to them, dance and sing with them. Believe me, I love my imaginations. They're extremely vivid, I can't believe they're unreal!

You often take nothing seriously, or at least you don't delve long into anything too heavy, much like the innocent child. So, in love, in spite of your temporary depth of feeling, for your intensity of involvement lasts only while it is new, you can come off superficial, immature, cool, flirtatious and distracted.

Erm... Superficial? Immature? Cool? Flirtatious? Distracted? True. To a certain extent. But hey, I'm committed!!! I'm a one-man lady. This paragraph makes me look otherwise! ;p

If matters of love, you like intrigue, the excitement of the chase, but once you have made your conquest, you lose interest and begin looking around for the next romantic adventure. It’s that childlike and restless curiosity that helps make you a great entertaining friend but not a very conventional, middle class spouse material.

Is this true? Hahahaha. I know I can be a good friend. I don't like chases. It's tiring, irritating and brainless. Love makes us all stupid. People in love are stupid.

You make witty, entertaining companions, good acquaintances rather than deep, solid friends. Even at your worst you are never boring - there is usually playfulness below the surface, and you can be brilliant conversationalists - but you can also be contrary, quarrelsome, and fickle.

THIS PARAGRAPH SAYS IT ALL!

When a Gemini matches up with another Gemini it’s usually a miracle because the two of you would burn each other out instantaneously but it would be a good time while it lasted; Cancers and you should stick to making money or at least the Cancer could teach you how to make money; Leos are quite stimulating however it often ends up like the love of a brother or sister; Virgos will set up house with you but you are very different; Libra will be your eternal lover and playmate; Scorpios are best left alone but hot while is lasts; Sagittarius is your opposite sign and therefore your marriage partner; Capricorns will push every button and shift your perspective but that is no fun in a romance; you will want to travel the globe with Aquarius in search of greener pastures; Pisces and you see life very differently but if you could have a common goal in business it might work; Aries makes good friendships and therefore good partners and Taurus will settle you down until you fly the coop from boredom.

Guess this is true, "Capricons will push every button and shift your perspective but that is no fun in a romance." No wonder it stops at 5 years!

Physically Gemini’s are energetic, mentally high-strung, consequently often thin in the early years, and very hyper. You do need to watch your weight in later years when everyone’s metabolism tends to slow down because your nervous restlessness can cause many of you to over eat from your fidgety nature. Also many Gemini’s unfortunately smoke, again mainly because of your nervous energy and when you stop smoking you start eating to replace the need to do something with your hands.

"...often thin in the early years..." that describes the kilogram-gaining process! Oh c'mooooon, don't tell me EVERY Gemini smokes!

Most Gemini’s have a keen, quick, and often brilliant intelligence and you love mental challenges. But your concentration, though intense for a while, does not last. Your mental agility and energy gives you a voracious appetite for knowledge though you dislike the routine and discipline needed to learn or the focus to accomplish difficult educational goals to the end.

BOY, ARE THESE GOD-DAMN TRUE! I hate accomplishing difficult goals. I hate datelines at work. I love reading and seeking knowledg in different areas. Aww... I've embraced descriptions of being a Gemini!

You are certainly a quick learn with almost everything requiring intelligence and mental dexterity and you are also able to combine this ability with manual skills giving you the potential for talent with your hands that takes a great deal of mental concentration; such as playing an instrument to surgery or even to building and repairing machinery and computers.

Talent with my hands? I love painting, sketching, designing, drawing and sculpting. Mixed media interests me, as it turns out differrent everytime, like my Art teacher, Ms Gloria Ma said, "Lela, why dud you throw away? You can never get that again! It only happens once!"

Your intellect is very analytical and this can give you the ability to quickly discern all sides of a situation. However, this quick vacillation also makes it difficult for you to make up your mind. When faced with problems to solve you have little patience until you find a solution, and often you will just pick up the phone and ask everyone else you know for their input in the situation.

Oh my God! You should see my expression when I read this! This is so true! I believe this is written just FOR ME! I always, always, always analyse situations, weighing my options, and these really make it hard for me to come to a conclusion, let alone solution! And I'll call people whose opinions are acceptable! OH MY GOD! This is true. I think the writer knows me in some past lifetime! Hahahaha!

Changing horses in the middle of the stream is another small quirk in the Gemini personality that makes decision making, and sticking to a decision, particularly hard for you.

I'm fickle. I'm a Gemini! Need I say more?!?!?!

You can certainly be affectionate, kind, generous, and thoughtful towards others. However, you know how to use your sparkling personality to gain your own ends, and when striving for these you can lapse into the dark side of your sign, by lying, or being evasiveness; for your own gains. In your better moments you may strive to be honest and straightforward, but self-interest is almost always the victor. That is the dark side that will come out of nowhere and take over if you don’t remember to stay wide-awake and conscious. Or this may take the form of you always taking the high ground but still associating with another who takes the low road.

Let's just say... I can get what I want. Most of the times... I just have a way with words.....

If things don't go your way, you can sulk like children. Remember there is this darker, other side to your dual nature. And like children, you demand attention, admiration, and time.

My Ex should know this very well. I can not talk for him for hours is he refuses to buy ice cream for me. In the end, I got 2 ice creams, so... It pays to sulk! It so does!

You change with your surroundings, like chameleons, and this pattern can cause you to become pessimistic and moody. You can become uncertain of yourself, be withdrawn, and worry constantly. On the other hand your versatility can make you very adaptable, adjusting yourself to control the world around you by means of your ingenuity and cleverness.

I hate stepping into a new environment. Seriously. I can adapt easily though, it's just a matter of choice, as to whethere I want, or not.

All this scattered mental energy you possess will also cause you to be fickle in love but not intentionally. You do have a side that can get quite involved emotionally but the other side is against any type of sentimentality. You are so much in your head analyzing your emotions that, yes, you could become a great psychologist for others but for yourself you keep vacillating from your heart to your head making commitment in love a little challenging for you.

Didn't we just go through this? I can be a hopeless romantic, and against ANY sentimentality. =) Oh yes, I'm one Hell of a psychologist. Commitment isn't challenging for me. I think. It hasn't been. I don't know what's in store, but if it will be challenging to me one day, I hope I can get it over and done with in a blink of an eye.....

Creatively you do best with words but also your hands. So many of you possess talent for design, craftsmanship, haircutting and sculpture. But your great talent is writing, speaking, selling, teaching or acting. Your restless, mental nature makes you a natural for being alone and writing for hours, which enables you to focus your brilliant mind, which in turns calms you down. You need to keep your mind focused on a creative outlet to stay centered and on the path towards financial success.

Erm... Yes, I've mentioned I have a little talent with these hands here. Writing, speaking, selling, teaching, acting. Hee. Yes, I love writing. i love composing my thoughts. I know I'll make a good teacher. =) I'm not bragging, but if an NIE-certified teacher didn't get any awards during teachers' day, that makes me something right? For receiving the Most Innovative and Most Motivating teacher? ;p

Honestly, it's an ongoing process, even as I talk to someone, some parts of my brains are composing some stories of its own. I once told my friend, if my mind were to speak, I couldn't even stand myself! I ask alot of questions inside, speaking to myself, there alot of voices in my head!

In business, any work, which combines quick-wittedness with a change of surroundings suits you best, such as; working as a traveling salesperson, brokerage work, or dealing with the public in any capacity is right up your alley.

Well, it depends. Work is something I don't want to talk about right now.

Because you are detached, logical, rational and analytical you make good scientists. In the arts you may excel in music, painting and sculpture because of your ability to combine dexterity with an imaginative mind.

Oh... Now I know why I love screaming my lungs out! Painting, of course, sculpture too! I remember doing a wired sculpture, and it turned out HUGE! Taller than myself! It was supposed to be only 1 metre!

Your financial plan is not to have a plan. Your reliance on adaptability and flexibility often works well for you! You have no trouble finding freelance work, so somehow everything works out.

Hee... I know~

Our new digital world seems to be made with you in mind. You love information, computers, telephones, the Internet, and you were practically born "wired." You should be in high demand so put your talent for communication to good use!

I DON'T WANT TO DISCUSS WORK!

You are very versatile, so you tend to have many fingers in many pies! Learn to focus your attention on your most lucrative prospects. Some Gemini’s have problems with follow-through and money does not motivate you as much as ideas do. So do what you love and the money will follow.

Seriously? Money does motivate me most of the times. Though it doesnt really matter. My interests and passion matters more. Ok, true!

Gemini rules the arms, shoulders, hands, lungs and nervous system. Since you are prone to bronchial problems, you need to take extra care of your lungs, and avoid anything that could lessen their ability to perform! You know what that means: don't smoke!

OH STOP IT ALREADY! You'vementioned this!

If you ever find yourself with a weight problem at all, it is because of nervous tension. You tend to eat quickly to calm yourself down. But for most twins you eventually get even bored with eating and then you will lose the weight as quickly as you gained it.

Now I hate this thing. It's so real, it's scaring the shit out of my ass!

Another aspect of duality that pits the forces of the light and dark is within your body versus your mind. When the left hand hasn’t a clue what is happening in the right or when the mind is so preoccupied with mental processes that the physical body is neglected, that is when you know that the Gemini split is happening internally rather than externally.

Of course, I know I have a split-personality. It's cool, but sometimes scary.

Emotionally as a Gemini you can be evasive, certainly complex and always contrary because of your dual nature. One side of your personality can produce versatility but the other side can be prone to flightiness. Being that you are under the influence of Mercury, who was depicted often in myths as a precocious infant, you can be like a child. Children are wonderful when they are good and infuriating when they are mischievous. Like children you can be lively and happy, or selfish and restless. For you and children life is a game that must always be full of fresh moves and continuous entertainment, free of labor and routine.

You are also known as the magician and your incredible minds can come up with solutions as if pulled out of a hat that can help other’s see life’s problems in a whole new light. Not only does the Twins entertain us and keep us mentally alive but they come up with original ideas that can light up the world. You may be a handful but genius is never simple.

And that's Lela for you~

Friends.

2009-02-08T22:10:00.011+08:00

My mind is everywhere. I don't really have a backbone to this entry. I'll just vomit everything. Man, I feel sick! Hahahaha~

Lately, I have reasons to believe Lady Luck is by my side! I hope this isn't just another temporary highs. I'm sick of those shit. Ok whatever.

Anyone who befriends another or makes an enemy,

gives or withholds,

has perfected his faith,

if what he does is done for the sake of

the Almighty.

Hadith of Al Bukhari

On The Authority of Abu Umamah.

I've been smiling and grinning. I have the best company of friends, surrounding me, making me laugh til I cough and cry and pee in my pants. ANYWAYS... I love them so much!

I treasure those around me. Sometimes, I show my love and appreciation, though I know I scare them most of the times! I meant everything I say, I hope they can see I treasure them. Alot. Oh my God, these whole entry makes me look twelve!

It feels good knowing I'm someone people can talk to. Friends call, telling me their problems. It makes me feel good, they're comfortable with me. I have never regard those calls as irritating, or a waste of time. I feel good listening to people. Learn from listening.

I know people have misleading perceptions on me. I know I can't please everyone, so I'll just please myself. In fact, I don't have to. At all.

Remember, we all stumble, every one of us.

That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand.

Emily Kimbrough

At times, when I'm not with friends, I'll reminisce on the good times spent, which of course, often leave me in a state of embarrassment. I'll just smile to myself, or chuckle. Haha.

It's the stupid conversations, the mis-understandings, the stupid dances, the stupid actions, the stupid demeanors.

The best thing about my friends, they're not only there through the highs, but through the lows as well. They'll listen, they'll ask, they'll share. I love them!

There will come a time when you believe everything is finished.

That will be the beginning.

Louis L'Amour

Let's just end this entry as it is. I'm Ms Scatterbrain right now, my mind's elsewhere and I hate it.

The Replacements

2009-01-26T04:27:00.015+08:00

I was taking a step back, relooking on how I have been these years. Indeed, securing a "replacement" have left me nothing more than being jaded.

The usual is for me to compare my situations with real-life happenings before evaluating and coming up with a display of solutions.

I stopped in my tracks when I noticed something peculiar about my parents. See, they separated when I was barely 2. Both remarried now. Honestly, I'm still... I couldn't find a word to describe what I'm feeling right now...

Anyways, I know it's hard for Mom to get over Dad. Once, she told, she wanted to get back together, for me. I know Dad is her first love. To think that he broke her heart into millions of pieces and didn't even try to pick the debris just shows what type of a person he is.

Moving on... Growing up, as a young girl, I love asking questions. No doubt, since some of the world's smartest people ask alot of questions, people like Einstein for example. I'm not saying that I'll die as a scientist or that I'm a smart ass, but I have reasons to think, I'm more than ordinary. ;p

Growing up, I had to adapt to changes. Unlike most of the kids, growing up with a pair of parents, I had one too, but they don't live together. When my parents remarried, I had to get to know my new parents, since I'm going to spend the rest of my life with them anyway.

True, what I studied in Sociology/Social Psychology, children at a tender age tend to remember and absorb things easily. I had the liberty to ask My New Mom and New Dad things about them. I speak my mind. I don't keep my questions, I never thought of the right time or place. As long as I can remember, I ask questions anywhere, anytime and at any place.

"What is your favourite colour?"

"When is your birthday?"

"How many siblings do you have?"

"When is your birthday?"

"What do you work as?"

"Where did u meet Mom/Dad?"

These are just some of the questions. Of course, I know the answers to these questions. Sometimes, when I imagine what was it like to be the Little Lela, I kinda pity her.

Anyways.......... Let's not digress here... Back to the topic, there's something weird about my parents, both the Original and the New ones. Both Dads have similar tastes. Moms too.

Both Dads love the colour green. Moms love yellow. Moms are the 6th child of 9 children. Moms have straight hair, but they both prefer curls. Oh, and so much more.

I don't know if it's purely coincidental. I mean, why would one want a new partner who has the same characteristics of the old one? Because he/she can't get over the old one? Is that it?

If there's one thing that my parents have succeeded in, is finding a replacement. As for me, not looking, not searching, not finding, just waiting...

Smile, it's worth it.

2009-01-25T04:27:00.005+08:00

I woke up to the bright sunlight streaming though the window. Squinting, my vision gradually became clear. I thought of what I'll do today.

The norm is for me to spend the whole Sunday outside, return home just in time for bed. Today, it felt different. Knowing it's a long weekend, the natural action for me is to be outside, regardless of the activities. That, I didn't do.

Instead, I grabbed a book, and began positioning myself, finding a perfect spot on the bed to enjoy the book. I remained there for hours, until the sun almost drown beneath the horizon, leaving no trace of daylight.

I decided to have a quick shower before sinking my teeth into the scrumptious whatever served on the table. It's a rule at home, that one has to be clean before putting anything into one's mouth.

After shower, I didn't even bother to look at what was served, on the table or in the kitchen. I went back straight into the book. I didn't even bother if I was going to spend the whole Sunday at home. It didn't even occur to me whether my friends are out or otherwise.

I fell asleep for a good 30 minutes. I woke up and continued reading. My shoulders turned stiff, albeit the number of times I changed positions to get comfortable.

I thought the painful signs were an indication that I should have a break. I had dinner, watched TV and I felt contented. More like... Satisfied.

See, there's nothing spectacular about wasting Sunday at home, reading. Today, that perception changed. I really enjoyed what I did. What I had was something I have been asking for since forever. Time with myself.

I use to have time to do things alone, things like shopping, reading, painting, sketching and many more. I have always longed for the time to spend time with myself, doing things I use to do when time wasn't the thief of seconds...

Anyways, 25th January 2002 is a date to remember. Seven years ago, something significant happened. Something that changed me, made me who I am today.

Wisdom from Lee Wei Ling, Lee Kuan Yew's Daughter

2009-01-22T12:14:00.005+08:00

Sharing (good write-ups) gives me a sense of satisfaction. Here's one for you. ;)

Wisdom from Lee Wei Ling, Lee Kuan Yew's Daughter

By Lee Wei Ling

In 2007, in an end-of-year message to the staff of the National NeuroscienceInstitute, I wrote: 'Whilst boom time in the public sector is never asbooming as in the private sector, let us not forget that boom time iseventually followed by slump time. Slump time in the public sector is alwaysless painful compared to the private sector.'Slump time has arrived with a bang.

While I worry about the poorer Singaporeans who will be hit hard, perhapsthis recession has come at an opportune time for many of us. It will give usan incentive to reconsider our priorities in life.Decades of the good life have made us soft. The wealthy especially, but alsothe middle class in Singapore, have had it so good for so long, what theyonce considered luxuries, they now think of as necessities.

A mobile phone, for instance, is now a statement about who you are, not justa piece of equipment for communication. Hence many people buy the latestmodel though their existing mobile phones are still in perfect workingorder.A Mercedes-Benz is no longer adequate as a status symbol. For millionaireswho wish to show the world they have taste, a Ferrari or a Porsche is deemedmore appropriate.

The same attitude influences the choice of attire and accessories. I still find it hard to believe that there are people carrying handbags that cost more than thrice the monthly income of a bus driver, and many more times that of the foreign worker labouring in the hot sun, risking his life to construct luxury condominiums he will never have a chance to live in. The media encourages and amplifies this ostentatious consumption. Perhaps it is good to encourage people to spend more because this will prevent the recession from getting worse. I am not an economist, but wasn't that the root cause of the current crisis - Americans spending more than they could afford to?

I am not a particularly spiritual person. I don't believe in thesupernatural and I don't think I have a soul that will survive my death. But as I view the crass materialism around me, I am reminded of what my mother once told me: 'Suffering and deprivation is good for the soul.' My family is not poor, but we have been brought up to be frugal. My parents and I live in the same house that my paternal grandparents and their children moved into after World War II in 1945. It is a big house by today's standards, but it is simple - in fact, almost to the point of being shabby. Those who see it for the first time are astonished that Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew's home is so humble. But it is a comfortable house, a home we havegot used to. Though it does look shabby compared to the new mansions on our street, we are not bothered by the comparison.

Most of the world and much of Singapore will lament the economic downturn. We have been told to tighten our belts. There will undoubtedly be suffering, which we must try our best to ameliorate.But I personally think the hard times will hold a timely lesson for many Singaporeans, especially those born after 1970 who have never lived through difficult times.

No matter how poor you are in Singapore, the authorities and social groups do try to ensure you have shelter and food. Nobody starves in Singapore. Many of those who are currently living in mansions and enjoying a luxurious lifestyle will probably still be able to do so, even if they might have to downgrade from wines costing $20,000 a bottle to $10,000 a bottle. They would hardly notice the difference.

Being wealthy is not a sin. It cannot be in a capitalist market economy. Enjoying the fruits of one's own labour is one's prerogative and I have no right to chastise those who choose to live luxuriously. But if one is blinded by materialism, there would be no end to wanting and hankering. After the Ferrari, what next? An Aston Martin? After the Hermes Birkin handbag, what can one upgrade to? Neither an Aston Martin nor an Hermes Birkin can make us truly happy or contented. They are like dust, a fog obscuring the true meaning of life, and can be blown away in the twinkling of an eye.

When the end approaches and we look back on our lives, will we regret the latest mobile phone or luxury car that we did not acquire? Or would we prefer to die at peace with ourselves, knowing that we have lived lives filled with love, friendship and goodwill, that we have helped some of our fellow voyagers along the way and that we have tried our best to leave this world a slightly better place than how we found it? We know which is the correct choice - and it is within our power to make that choice. In this new year, burdened as it is with the problems of the year that has just ended, let us again try to choose wisely.To a considerable degree, our happiness is within our own control, and we should not follow the herd blindly.

The writer is director of the National Neuroscience Institute.

Tired, Tired, Tired!

2009-01-16T04:29:00.002+08:00

I am.....

Physically tired,

Mentally tired,

Emotionally tired.

Spare me some thoughts, Life.

Just prove to me once that you're not that bad afterall. Prove to me it doesn't have to hurt this much. Prove to me there's more to life than living everyday as it passes by.

I am physically tired.

I am mentally exhausted

I am emotionally abused.

Of those, I'm sure. Life, I don't and never want to beg. For once, be better, for me. Give me more reasons for me to smile, not just temporary highs. For all these unpleasant phases I am in, I hope a surprise awaits me in the near future. I know I have better things in store for me.

I'm anticipating to go through a better you. I have been waiting for far too long. Patience is the thief of seconds.

I have embraced you in more ways than one, now return the favour, dear Life. Embrace me.

Uncle Seet!

2009-01-10T03:16:00.032+08:00

Fate.

It's ineluctable. It's unavoidable.

It's predetermined by The One above.

After a tiring day at an event, I finally experienced sleepy at its peak! I was so sleepy, I couldn't be sleepy-er! It's a first!

Over at our usual Sheesha hang out place, I kept on dozing off! Leaving Linda romancing her virgin HTC Touch. When I'm extremely sleepy, I will have 3-seconds dreams, often on a train, leaving.

After waking up from 3-seconds dreams, I took a sip of my Mint Tea, and continued the journey (though that never happen, 3 seonds, DUH!) to Dream Land. EVERY TIME. I must be so damn sleepy that I didn't finish my food. To think that I'm a BIG-eater, had the heart to leave Linda all by herself, and the fact that we're in one of my favourite place to chill out, doesn't it show how sleepy I was?!

Time to go home... (And yes, I didn't finish my food and 2nd cup of Mint Tea.) I hailed a cab, albeit a passenger was alighting a few feet ahead of us. We could have waited for a few more seconds but I was so sleepy that I simply couldn't wait!

Because we appeared from a dark alley, he couldn't see us at freaking 1am in the morning. The cab rushed to the lane nearest to us, resulting it to end up a few inches before it gently smooches the prior cab. The best thing was, there was another cab behind! Guess the latter driver must be damn pissed at the driver for switching lanes in the twitch of an eye, and also, steal his potential customers. Well, he was in that lane first!

As soon as Linda and I boarded, I thought the sign "Trust the Lord" (something along that line) and the Cross sign was familiar. Even the whole ambience. The thing about me is, I have alot of Deja Vu instances, and my memory don't serve me well, resulting in me not being able to recognise people or places. There's a thin margin between my reality and dreams, something that is non-existent or otherwise.

The driver turned, asked where are we heading, I scrutinized him, his demeanor, everything. There was something about his voice, it was perceptible. I scrolled my mental database of voices, and it hit me right there! He was the the driver who picked us during New Year!!!

I was spanking Linda's Arm Robbery, "Eh! Eh! Uncle! Dbl O! Eh! Bukan! New Year! Arab St! New Year! Blu Jaz!" Puzzled, the driver stopped ahead, probably traumatized by my hysterical actions. When his eyes met mine, I screamed "UNCLE SEET! REMEMBER U PICKED US UP FROM HERE DURING NEW YEAR?!?!?!"

Surprisingly, his recollection lapse was faster than mine! We had a LOOOOONG talk! He's Peranakan, speaks Malay even better than me! During the ride home on New Year, he said his sister could read the Quraan!

He grew up with Malay friends, eat Malay food, has Malay Godmother, he's the typical Peranakan! Mind you, his surname isn't Seet though. I called him that, knowing it's a typical Peranakan surname. We had that talk during the New Year ride.

He remembers where Linda and I alighted! And that was more than a week ago. Considering he picks ALOT of passengers, I guess we left an impact! He did so too!

During New Year, he sent Linda until she reaches the lift, he did that to me just now! He's is such a nice guy. We talked about fate and destiny - an area of interest of mine =)

He promised, the next time we bump into each other again, he will bring us to his favourite place - Saffron, Tampines- to eat. Else, we can just eat at Jalan Kayu, his second suggestion. Linda and I coughed hard, our tummy aches! I was coughing the ride away!

He's a nice person, we covered a wide scope of topics during the journey. More during New Year though. Anyways, when Linda alighted, the few minutes of conversation we had before I reach home, was about people. He went on saying how we can't judge a people, say if someone clubs, or come back home late, that doesn't make that person bad, etc. Oh, he mentioned, life is short, do good deeds. If one does good deeds, poeple will remember him for that. (So does the opposite, right Uncle? Hee)

We were talking about how small the world is, but to bump into him, the same person driving the same cab, it's fate. Joking, (all the time!) he said, "Dah jodoh, nak buat apa?" (it's destined, what to do?)

There's something inevitable about Fate that intimidates me. And so it says, if something is "written", it will definitely happen. In meeting a person, we get acquainted at different crossroads in our lives; some stay, others don't.

I've heard stories of how people got separated, years later, got together. I've heard of stories on how the need to know something requires 4 years of waiting. I truly believe waiting is the thief of seconds. In this case: years.

A typical Gemini, (I dont know, friends say I am.Typical. Ouch!) I have always have the need to know, everything. Years ago, I satisfy my questions by praying, asking Him to show me signs. Of course, I have vivid dreams. Not once, not twice. Same dreams, different dreams, Prequels, sequels, you name it. It's like my entire future.

Now, the dreams seems to... Diviate. Totally. Drifting apart. It's like none of it is true. Then again, I can't judge too early, my life has yet to end. I can't say God is lying, he never has and never will do that.

Whatever dreams that He sends me, it may not occur now, maybe there's an interval in between. I have always dreamt of dreams of mine to come true. If there are instances which will affect the dreams, I'll try my best to work things out.

It is only until I took a step back, relook into the situation, giving myself more options that I realised - God showed me dreams, he didn't tell me when. Maybe not now, maybe one day, maybe not at all.

If that's the case, then He's testing me. I hope I passed.

If my dreams happen one day, I will definitely hold my hands up high and thank God. I believe God has better things in store for me. I don't know what lies ahead in the future, but I'm anticipating for bigger things to come...

Look at the stars...

2009-01-08T11:16:00.062+08:00

What about stars?
People love gazing at them.
What about stars?
People are intrigued by them.
What about stars?
People ponder, allured by them.

What about stars?

Stars are special, mentioned in lyrics, Paris Hilton's Stars Are Blind, Coldplay's The Scientist, Taio Cruz's She's Like A Star and many more, even lullabies "Twinkle, twinkle little star", "Star light, star bright...", etc.

Stars are portrayed as magical (cartoon, magic shows), depicted as pride (national flags, crests) , symbol of popularity (Hollywood stars), and in my case, it's... Just... Special.

After what seemed to be one of the most memorable revelations in 2009, (to think the year has just begun!) I felt like a burning Phoenix, reborn for the millionth time. I felt new. It felt new. What's "it"? I don't know. A feeling. The situation. The news. I don't know. "It" is just it.

Unthoughtfully, I sprawled on the heavenly grounds of my ghost town, not caring whether my white virgin Zara pants will be desecrated and soiled. The others made their way home, leaving Fahez, Hafiz and I. Of course, they just have a problem with me sprawling like that. I was comfortable albeit the nasty ground. The wind cradled with so much comfort, I didn't want last night to end.

I looked up, saw Waxing Gibbous or was it Waning Gibbous. Well, I don't know, I have yet to have an in-depth study of the Moon. Would love to, really. One day. If I can survive "E=MC2", I could definitely survive an Astronomy-infested, pig's lining-thick book.

I saw an outer circumference, (I think it's the reflection of light), lining the moon, as though protecting it. Charmed, I eyed the sky in fascination. Of course, the 2 guys think I was stressed and disturbed by the Revelations. Nope. I wasn't. I was in my own world, coining analogies.

As I was composing, I thought the Moon was embracing the circumference's company. I felt the Moon must be feeling at ease, sheltered. Weird, but I could somehow feel the Moon.

Then I moved my gaze to the other side of the sky, where a bright shiny sparkling star winked at me. Alongside the bright shiny one, was a slightly dull star, not as distinct. I was eyeing these 2 stars until gradually, other stars surfaced.

One of the reasons why it is not easy to see stars from Singapore, is because of the reflection from our tiny little country, it's too bright here. Else, we could definitely see more winkings! ;)

I was trying very hard to see more stars. At some points, I thought I was hallucinating. "Patience is a virtue, my child," I always say that to myself and I said that again. True enough, other stars surfaced and greeted me with the sweetest winks!

I guess sometimes... God arranges revelations in a way that it is revealed in phases. Gazing at the stars, I came to realise, sometimes... The answers are served right in front of you, it takes only one thing - patience to be able to see it through.

Like the stars, they are always there, it's a matter of whether you can see them, or otherwise. So are answers and solutions. It takes a huge amount of endurance in being patient.

I have always been a film believer of Karma, Fate, Determination, Equity, Retribution and among other things, Patience. I know God is fair and I know I'm blessed in more ways than one. I hope I'll be able to embrace His shower of blessings upon me, just like the moon, comfortably draped in the arms of the circumference.

Pri Sch Reunion!

2009-01-06T15:29:00.011+08:00

5th of January proved to be an awesome day. (With the exception of the earlier part of the day where an impromptu meeting was held. Everyone came to work late, was back from lunch late, but punctual when it comes to knocking off, oh you know all those shit. I couldn't care less!)

I felt gorgeous yesterday. I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M TYPING THIS! I felt the narcissistic Lela has REsurfaced! Hahahahaha. It felt good feeling good... If you know what I mean. So c'mon girls, snap your fingers and spank your exaggerated ass tight! Oh my God, I really don't know what has gotten into me! But this was what I felt!

So I met my primary school Darlings, oh I miss them so much! In order of appearance, Farah, Suriani and Dayah. Graduated in 1999, we have yet to have a proper gathering until 10 years later - last night. =)

I wouldn't regard it as 10 years though... Considering 2009 is just 5 days old yesterday =)

On my way to meet the 1st Darling - Farah, someone hit me real good and hard, it was Lis!!! The Ex's Love before me. She's one of a kind man! We talk during lunch, in the wee hours, she called for opinion on lingerie for a newly-wed, it's like we've known each other for so long, but yesterday was the day we finally bumped into each other!

We had a brief chat, and call me weird, but I finally get to witness her hysterical, hyena-cum-banshee-possessed laughter in real time! Nice meeting you Honey ;p

Farah and I settled for Starbucks just moments before Suriani (Myn) joined us. She came grinning ear to ear, saying "Bestfriend kau" THEN I REALISED. It's The Ex's CURRENT GIRLFRIEND.

A whole lot of shit went through my head, but whatever. I shall leave it all up to God. Wow. Look at the pious side of Lela. Oh, just to let the whole world know, the world (literally) is so small, it couldn't get any smaller!!!

Farah is The Ex's junior, see see see. Everywhere I go, there will be faces I know. Ohh, talk about rhymes huh. Anyways, Farah and Myn thought The Ex's CURRENT GIRLFRIEND (I just had to type that in caps right? Hee!) felt awkward or uneasy, she left as soon as her Old Chang Kee whatever-that-crap she's eating. I didn't know you can just sit at Starbucks to finish up her food. I'm not being bitchy. Just... Realistic here. Maybe she needs some rest... And came to the wrong spot. LELA STOP IT. Hahaha. Do I sound bitchy? No, right.

Anyways, Dayah joined us a little later after settling her complications. And there we were. Oh, I guessed it right, the girls have never travelled with friends. No wonder... So eager and excited. They were talking, yadaa yadaa yadaa... I just let them be, of course, they reflected my virgin moments, when I first planned for a trip with friends.

We had fun, I'm sure we will do, over at KL. Well, now I need someone who can come with me, since these 3 Morons are bringing their boyfriends along, leaving this 1 Moron without an option. Or do I? Hee. Not looking for a boyfriend, (but if so, WHY NOT???) just someone I'm comfortable with... To be myself, without caring about anything in this world!

Happy 8th Anniversary Girls!

2009-01-03T12:56:00.031+08:00

For some of the miraculous reasons, the sun shone extra bright yesterday morning. In cab to work, I kept staring at the sky albeit the irritating bumpy ride. There was just something about the sky yesterday.

I thought it will be a smooth-sailing day. Well... Not quite, but the fact that some spontaneous incidents surfaced, managed to make me laughed my heart out, I guess the night ended off pretty well. Was with Ili, Fanaa and Khidir joined us for awhile.

At 10:53PM last night, I texted my 4 bestfriends from secondary school, Elisa, Nazura and Shima:

Hi Elisa, Nazura & Shima, Happy 8th Anniversary! It's the 1st day of sch, Elisa, though u joined us a little late, but hey, u were the Kak Elisa turned Darling Elisa! Though we had alot of dreams, of travelling together, living together, it's all ok, we all have different pavements to walk on, but hey, i still love u bitches since we 1st got acquainted, n i want to thank u girls for being there for me all these while, seen n unseen, LOVE U LOADS ELISA AKHBAR, NAZURA MALLIQUE N NUR HASHIMAH HASHIM! MUAAACKS!

Nazura replied at 11:04PM:

kau nie swit la doink! n yez, im glad diz frenship stil stay afta 8yrz. luv u 2 LELAWATI ASWAD!

Shima replied this morning, 6:09AM:

Hey girls! Sorry to disturb ur sleep. A short reply to lela's sms. Lela, thx for remindin me its already e 8th yr we've known each other. Dearest girls, aku menyesal sgt aku da abaikan frnshp kite slame ni. I admit, i nv reli cared n i hate myslf for tat. Those dreams we had, mesti kecoh, bt we noe it will remain as dreams.

Girls,im sori i was always never der to celebrate ur bdays, let alone a simple bdae wish. Im sorry i wasnt der wen u got a heart broken n need a shldr to cry on, im not even der to listen.

Lela, move on, i noe its easier said den done, but beb, i care, i dun wana c u stucked in ur past, n dun repeat ur mistakes. try mirc agn, who noes jodo ko disane lg. hehe. altho i din reply to ur sweet smses, aku heartless, i noe, bt u muz noe tat all of em made my day.

Lisa, u nv fail to b der for me wach time i nd a shlder to cry n, not only did u sacrifices ur time, but u wld also call to check on me most times, bt sad, aku salu lupe ko bile aku senang hati. Bt im glad u fnd e one, dun wait long2!

Naz, ur e luckiest, i wil always pray for ur hapiness. Bile no 2?

Im sori for not bein a gd frn but u girls stil value me n i appreciate it alot. Im grateful to u girls for udrstdg me n givin me +ve advices. I cried as i typed tis, reminded of e close bond we shared, e gd times n e bad, n den we moved on n got separated. Ihope ug rils forgive me. Aku malu nak ngaku aku ni kwn krg wen ive done nothing at all really, but bein selfish. n as i stared into e sky, thinkin of us, it sudenly snapped on me tat I took 8 yrs to realize hw much u girls mean to me n i dun wana lose tis frnshp ever, cz i luv u girls.

From e botom of my heart, shima.

Elisa replied too, 9:26Am:

Rise n shine sweetheats! shit.. if 2day is realy sch day, den im late! its gd wakin up hevin 2 read n treasure our frenshp, didnt realise it has been dis long n ALOT of tings hapen in btw, b it gd or bad, bt nw as i type dis, our skol days juz flashes in my eyes, abt our tym in e klzrm of coz! i miz dos days we hev, e switest memories ive had, n 2 u babes: lela, u NVR fall 2 rmind us on all dis despite us bein bz, u wil always kip e frenshp alive, i hope dis yr u wil stand n found sum1 2 pull u out of dat plc ur in nw, i know u hate bein der, ive been der b4 so i hope u kip ur faith 2gether. shima, dnt hev to apologise cos it isnt ur fault, i undstnd e situation ur in, uve been e best in a way, i kno, 4 me. dis yr, i do hope we spend more tym 2gether n i hope ur rlnshp goes well, rmbr wat i say, b very patient k? naz, ive gt notin much 2 say bt im proud of u 4 leadin a beautiful lyf ryte nw, bless w a hubby n a boy, b strong ok. n lastly 2 all, rmbr god promises a safe landing, nt a calm passage, if god brings u to it, he wil bring u thru it. thanks 4 appreciatin me, ill rmbr. wif love, lisa..

Naz replied again, she better do! Haha At 10:39AM:

hey babies, wen lela msg me yest i simply replied wif a luv u 2 lela cos i was slipy. haha. but waking up todae readin e long msgs shima n lily sent, i cant help but replying nw. yez we shud b proud even afta 8yrs we r stil here togetha. n of coz, i cant help but tink back on our skul daes. im owaez e 1 kene boycott rmb? suke eh korg? haha. nevertheless, no matter hw long we dun talk in e end we wil stil b seen together, e 4 of us. even nw, doh we seldom mit, at e very least we rmb each oder, datz al dat matter. lela, no matter hw bitchy u can get (oops, hehe) i stil luv u, u r e successful 1 among us, im reali proud of u. shima, i miz e tyms we werk together, doz tymz we owaez shared everytin together. wen u r down, im e 1 givin e motherly advice rmb? hehe. lily, my cik sal lukalike, haha. we may nt b as close, stil we can click wel weneva me mit. i dun reali noe wtz goin on in ur gerlz life nw, wteva it is im hoping every1 leads a heppy life. to end diz, plz arrange 4 a mit up soon. ily gerlz. tc hunnies. - e fantastic 4 -

AWW!!! ISN'T ALL THAT SWEET?!?!?!

Of course, being the pussy that I am, I cried and laughed. What a way to start my day. I love them loads!!! As much as I want the old Fantastic 4 to be the bitchy we're-hot-you're-not girls sashaying in school, I have to accept the fact that we're grown and are walking on different pavements. We do meet at crossroads, and I'm still hoping we'll meet more often.

Though I have alot of friends, I met after leaving secondary school, they are always in my heart. I know I network alot, but girls, you're ALWAYS in my heart. ALWAYS. Ok, I'm not gonna type anything more. Else, these tears will..... Okay hush!

Shima and I love blue, Elisa and Nazura love pink. That's why I color the paragraphs as such. Anyways, here are our memories!!!

Wait for the pictures to load, there are hundreds of them!

Click Play!

Create Your Own

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

2009-01-01T17:01:00.007+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE!!!

To see me kicking off the New Year in some of the nastiest ways,

http://kykin.multiply.com/photos/album/373/Party_10_Blu_Jaz_2009_Countdown

Merry X'Mas!!!

2008-12-25T15:54:00.011+08:00

HAPPY HOLIDAYS PEOPLE!

To those who celebrate,

MERRY X'MAS!!!!!

For more pictures, to my Multiply please, thanks! http://kykin.multiply.com/photos/album/370/Party_9_Pump_Room_Christmas_Eve

Faith. (Matthew 17:20)

2008-12-21T21:10:00.003+08:00

For if you had faith even as small as a tiny mustard seed you could say to this mountain, "Move!" and it would go far away. Nothing would be impossible.

(Matthew 17:20)

I have faith. I have faith. I have faith.

I'll live my dreams as I see it everytime I close my eyes.

Types of Relationships

2008-12-20T20:09:00.000+08:00

Imagine...

...falling in love with someone's partner. You're comfortable with him, you spend memorable times with him, you feel so complete with him. The friendship you had now goes to another level. Though it's uncertain, you both have never made the status clear, you know you love him. What's worse, you're close to the person who's close to him. Sad, you can't have him.

Imagine...

...falling in love with a guy when you already have one. You don't fall in love easily, but he's just so special. So special that even when you're with your partner, he fills your mind. You don't feel anything when your partner hugs you. All you can think of is him. You know loving someone other than your partner is wrong. You promise not to go out with him again, so the last few moments spent together, all you could do was to not think of the future but to cherish every moment. What's worse, the more you try to forget him, the more you miss him. Sad, you can't be with him.

Imagine...

...your fiance falling in love with someone whom he knows for only a few weeks. He totally changes into a new person, you don't even know him. The 7 years of relationship now crumbles to dust. What's worse, you're planning to get married. Now that it's over, you move on. Then you meet a new guy. He spends time with you, he makes you happy, he's everything now. Then he left. What's worse, he talked to your fiance, about wanting you. Sad, you can only choose one.

Imagine...

...loving someone when you already have a long-term relationship. You can't help the feeling. It grows and grows. When you try to stop it, it grows even more. The years spent just blooms. You love your partner, but you also love this special guy. Although both of you are attached, you really love each other, knowing it's impossible to be together. Both of your other halves know your other halves. What's worse, you sacrificed alot for him, more than you did for your partner. Sad, it's impossible to be with him.

Imagine...

...knowing someone when you're attached. He asked for your hand, since both are attached, you declined. Now that both are single, you kept wondering what could have happened if you said "yes". It would be worth having an affair if you only knew you partner will leave you one day. He's everything you could have asked for. You would settle for him. He disappears now and then, for months, then comes back as if nothing happens. You don't know how to express your feelings. He strays from the topic. Sometimes, you think the both of you are better off as friends. Sad, the friendship doesn't proceed to another level.

Imagine...

...knowing someone for years, only to find out he's married with kids, just divorced. You accepted his explanation and himself, then he turned evil. You learnt he's incorrigible. Though he drives you crazy, you still gave him chances, but he just had to blow it away. Sad, you had to leave him.

Imagine...

...being in a serious relationship for the first time. He's everything to you. Yes you love him, sometimes you just need a fresh breath of air. You went out with other guys, but your conscience is clear-you know they're just friends. Your first serious partner turned abusive, slapped you, beat you up and did alot more to abuse you physically. He disallows you to even contact your bestfriends, though he knows each and every one of them. He became possesive. You know you don't want this kind of relationship, and you do know there's nothing you can do. You're trapped. You love him. Sad, you can't do anything about it.

Imagine...

...these instances happen to you.

Worry VS Excitement

2008-11-26T04:04:00.018+08:00

"Your vision will become clear

only when you look into your heart....

Who looks outside, dreams,

Who looks inside, awakens."

Carl Jung

Something is not right somewhere. Sometimes, I don't know what the Hell is bothering me. I think I'm right then at the same time, I think I'm wrong! Often, when it comes to doing something, say making a decision, I have internal wars in my mind! Even when I'm shopping for groceries!

An issue of me being single. Lela 1 says, "It's alright, take your time, he left. For whatever I'm worth, he doesn't deserve me! Not now, not then, not ever!" Lela 2 says, "I think I'm choosy." My thoughts clash like a huge massive explosion, even I couldn't bare to stand!

It's like I have voices in me, from 2 different people, provoking and pestering me! Often, I ignore them, pretend these voices are not talking to me. Everything is blurry. I don't know what is it with me. I'm living the day as it passes by.

There is something unnerving about being forced to look at yourself when you are unwilling to come to terms with something. Something raw and real that you cannot run away from. You can lie to yourself, to your mind and in your mind all of the time but when you look yourself in the face, well you know that you're lying. I am not okay. That I did not hide from myself, and the truth of it stared me in the face.

There are moments when I feel extremely disturbed. By what? Who? I don't even know! And no, it's not PMS. There are days I feel extremey sulky, worrying about the slightest things.

I hate it when 2 extreme feelings surface at the same time. Like Worry and Excitement. Now that really sucks! I don't know what to do, so I just live the day by taking turns, thinking of the situations. I have only my heart to confide in.

"Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do."

Benjamin Spock, M.D.

I trust myself, I know I will be the person I have always pictured myself to be. Though I have doubts, I know I will make it. I can't wait to start anew. I can't wait to try something fresh. As of now, I couldn't find the Restart Button, but I know I'll figure it out.

When I look back, there are things that I never thought I could do, but I did. I didn't know I possess such capabilities. For instance, looking back, I didn't know how I survived graduating with a Diploma without having to extend my length of stay!

"Twenty years from now

you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.

So throw off the bowlines.

Sail away from the safe harbor.

Catch the trade winds in your sails.

Explore. Dream. Discover."

Mark Twain

I was reading one night, when I came to realise how short life is. There are things I put on hold. A major procrastinator, my To-do list sprouts like nobody's business.

I took the plunge to do some of the things I had always wanted to. I will. I am still waiting for the right moment -hey, I'm a big-time procrastinator!- to do it. But I will, sooner than I think I would!

"Start by doing what's necessary,

then what's possible and

suddenly you are doing the impossible."

St. Francis of Assisi

Heart VS Brains

2008-11-25T03:27:00.011+08:00

I have always believed the Brain is better than the Heart. Often, people say "Follow your heart" when dealing with difficult situations. "Use your brain" is used less. People don't say "Use your heart" or "Follow your brain". Hmm...

I guess "Use your brain" is a simple way of saying "think wisely, weigh your options, analyse the situation..." whereas "Follow your heart" is just another way of saying "do what you feel is right". That's my interpretation.

In an argument, misunderstanding and situations similar, I have always believed in making decisions thereafter. If decisions are to be made at that instance, it would be disastrous! See, both parties are erupting, and feelings of rage, hatred might surface. Even after both are at ease, these leftover feelings are still there. That's where the Brain comes in.

The Heart is where feelings and emotions are kept. Decisions should never be made when one is emotional. The wise Brain however, allows one to evaluate options.

I bet everyone have been through rough situations, knowing the action is wrong, but still proceed, doing it. As for me, the Brain knows what's right and what's not. The Heart however, feels otherwise. Even if the action is wrong, (so says the Brain) the Heart feels it's right, as long as I'm content doing it.

I'm not saying the Heart is wrong and the Brain is always right... It's just that sometimes, the Brain needs to give way to the Heart. Live. Make mistakes. We learn from them. Just, avoid repeating it. Knowing that you are doing the wrong things, repeating the same mistakes, and ending up with a huge pile of shit sounds wrong, but boy, does it feels so right.

Oh, what a quote.

"There is no instinct like that of the heart"

Lord Byron

Pig-breath lady in bus 89

2008-11-13T04:43:00.009+08:00

What about people that makes you annoyed? Irritated? Pissed?

The way they dress? Speak? Smell? Look? Walk? Laugh? Cough?

As for me, all of the above, thanks.

What matters the most - First Impression.

As much as I hate being someone who's quick to judge, I can't help but stamping a label on someone, faster than the speed of light. I'm like one of those gigantic stamping machines in those huge factories in Malaysia. (Oh they just love airing shows like that, on hydroponic farms, production factories, etc, what's with that???)

I boarded a bus this evening, greeted by cute, whiny familiar voices as soon as I planted one foot in, "MISS LELAAAAA!" Boy, I thought I was in some nightmare, you know how dreams changes from one scene to the other, weirdly. But no, I wasn't. I was smacked right in the middle of reality. I miss my students, oh well.

Moving on, I stood for a few stops, and finally got a seat. Then boarded a kiasu-looking Chinese lady, probably in her mid or late-thirties. She conveniently parked her INTERNET-BIG butt next to me, leaving me squirming for space.

The BEST thing was, we were in a CURSED position. We were right in between poles. So it's a pole-her-me-pole position. JESUS! It couldn't get any worse! Well eventually it did! After the last stop in Pasir Ris, (before the bus passes the Expressway to Sengkang) I learnt that I have to ENDURE the sickening and awkward position throughout the journey! She was still glued next to my seat. Urgh!

Because it was the peak of all hours, the Expressway was flooded with influx of vehicles. THANKS!!!! It was sickening, the fact that her right shoulders overlapped my left. She did wriggle a little, and we ended up like 2 Satay, before BBQ-ed. Awkward, I had to lean to my right, I was really, the leaning tower of Pisa.

To top it all, she had a stinky Pork breath. I wasn't expecting a minty-fresh breath. Well, judging from her Nyonya-attire, and her demeanor, the way she looks for seat kiasu-ly. C'mon, what's with smelling like a PIG man!

I doubt she's human. I never question the ability of my Spider-senses. I know for a fact that I am not always right, but I'm never wrong. She's not human. She's a Pig in disguise. Shhh...

I NEED LOVE!

2008-11-07T16:54:00.007+08:00

I don't know what has gotten over me last night. I was craving for love. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Nah... Was just missng The Ex. Oh God yes yes yes! I still do think of him every now and then. Yadaa yadaa yadaa~

Sometimes I think love puts on a funny disguise just to give you a lovely surprise. Not that I've received any surprises... But we shall see. Hahahahahaha.

The Ex's Ex once SMSed, "Kau sorg je k yg cn make dating seem like a chore..." Oh yeah it is one Hell of a chore. I just can stand it. Especially when I know it's a DATE. Oh God. The word itself scares the shit out of my ass! Hahahahaha!

Then one of Her SMS reads, "Pelik sey. Kau hav a big social circle. So many boys to pick." Ya ya ya. True and not true. Yes I have a big social circle (now why do everyone think I do???) but there aren't many boys for me to pick. First things first, I'm not into boys, (hahahaha) second, it's not easy to get THE one.

Someone with style, social presence, smarts and smile... Oh and the list goes on. Some think I'm choosy. Well think about it this way, you wouldn't want to settle for the second best right? There's no Mr Perfect... Oh, humans are humans, we're hard to please, well at least I am. We're never satisfied with what we have.

I can't be bothered. If it comes, it comes, if it happens, it happens. Not gonna leave without a meaningful quote!

"Your first relationships

after the loss of a love may not be successful,

but those early, groping tries

will slowly move you toward

the sweet permanence that you deserve"

-Joan Rivers

People getting married

2008-11-02T04:12:00.000+08:00

Ok seriously now, is it just me, or is it the world or something. Everyone is getting married. Oh by the way, congrats to good Secondary school friend Halisah.

I can't imagine myself getting married anytime soon. Oh, weeks ago, I was browsing through an old diary of mine (yes I'm generous with entries in diaries) and came across an entry which speaks of The Ex and myself, planning to get engaged this year. WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!

Of course, those were the days when the sky was filled with rainbows and sun rises happily to the sounds of birds chirping. Then again, what the freaking Hell were we thinking, to get engaged this year? I AM ONLY 21!!! I guess those must the plan of 2 freaking idiots when they were 14 and 17 or something. *rolls eyes*

Whatever it is, I just can't picture myself passing beyond the veil to the other side where people in love reside.

Rich

2008-10-25T02:08:00.001+08:00

And so it says, there are 2 ways of being rich. One is to have all that you want, the other is to be satisfied with all that you have.

Either way, I'm not rich, but I'm not poor either. AND AND AND, I'm thankful for what I have. Wow. Seems like I've been through some enlightenment tunnel or something.

Quotes

2008-09-24T09:53:00.011+08:00

"I am beginning to think

that it is the sweet, simple things of life

which are the real ones after all"

-Laura Ingalls Wilder

As humans, we're so good at complaining that if I were to ratio daily conversations to complaints, it would be 1:10.

I always remember a line from my speech during secondary school, "...be contented with what you have, instead of stressing over what you do not have..." I don't know what made me remember that line after all these years.

The reason why I'm always out in the wee hours spending time with my friends, is simple. I love their company. It's the sweet, simple things like conversations over coffee, bitching about work, (hence the ratio above, hehe) reminiscing on our teenage years, dreaming of a perfect wedding, thinking of investments, laughing our asses off while playing charade, screaming during car rides, bawling at the top of our lungs during karaoke, (like Linda and I last weekend to Evanescence's Bring Me To Life, hehe) wondering on imminent issues like weather, politics, war and whatnots.

The Mom says I'm not a family person, often suggesting I should reshuffle my priorities. She's right, but I guess I need a break. Working my ass off is not something I dreamt of. Definitely not something I see myself doing for the next 10 years.

Being with my friends destress myself. It's one hell of a good break. I can't work and work and work and return home to do work again! With great company, it feels like I'm in another world. Of course, when reality kicks in, I'm bruised.

I know I did almost nothing at home, compared to what The Mom and Sister did. Chores should be divided equally, yes. But hey! I work more than they do! I need more break! If I were to ratio (what's with me and ratios today?) their working hours and mine, it's 1:3 or probably more on certain days!!!

Martin Luther King Jr. once said, "Life's most urgent question is: What are you doing for others?" It used to be me, buying little cards for The Ex, for friends, telling them how appreciative I am of their presence, telling them I love them bla bla bla.

Now I see returns. I get things from people, simple things like drinks, landyards, or whatever that key tag thing that Linda bought me, (which says "So wat if I'm bitchy", ah thanks eh dok) and stuffs I received from students during Teacher's Day... Hahahaha... Joke of my life!

Of course, I can't please EVERYONE at the same time. Inevitably, I have people complaining I'm missing, disappeared, gone, you name it. I can't help it if I have alot of friends. I'm sorry if I'm not there, but understand that I'm busy!

Some think I 'm pretending to be busy. I'm not. I'm so not. I AM really busy. I think I definitely need a reshuffling of my time. It's not time-management ok. It's time-reshufflement. Hahaha. Oh you get what I mean, right?!

Sometimes, I feel I need a new life. I need to do some soul-searching. It's been awhile since I've done one.

I need to look for something. A Restart button.

Dreamt of Afdhal.

2008-09-21T01:32:00.016+08:00

"At some point, maybe we accept the dream as nightmare.

We tell ourselves that reality is better,

we convince ourselves that

it is better not to dream at all, or.........."

It's the total opposite of me. I love dreams. They take me places. Many say I have yet to get over The Ex. It's almost 2 years. I don't know. I think I have. It's just that I miss him now and then, but I guess it's a norm.

Had fun yesterday, was giggling and laughing my lungs out. However, I felt sick inside. I don't know how to describe the feeling. I miss The Ex. Like so much. Most of the times, I just shoo this sickness away. However, yesterday, I just couldn't. Everywhere I go, everything I see, everything I do... Just reminds me of Him. What the hell.

This morning, as usual, I woke up from sunny dreams, went back to Lala Land, woke up, went back there, bla bla bla. The vicious cycle continued until I dreamt of Him.

The dream was so real, I thought I wasn't sleeping. It started with me, receiving an anonymous SMS. I somehow learnt that it was Him. We talked on the phone, then we met. The place looked something like Boat Quay...

Anyways, it was nice, we were casual friends... It all died when I popped the question I've already asked (in reality) and been wanting to ask...

"After all these years, I just want to know one thing... Why?"

He froze. I felt awkward. I woke up. It was so real, I swear I wanted to go back to the dream. I cried. I don't know why, but I just did. I really, really cried. OMG I sound like a pathetic pussy. Anyways, I don't know what drove me to do this, ut without much deliberation, I dialled his number, knowing it's not in use.

After a little delay, it rang! IT RANG! My friend tried last time (which was months or a year ago) and it was no longer in use. As far as I can remember, that is a prepaid and not a line. So it could mean alot of things, maybe the last time, his prepaid has no value, or the number is now reused. As far as I know, numbers that are reused are lines, not prepaid numbers. Whatever.

Anyways... It's been years, although it still feels like yesterday that we went out for a first date. Sometimes I fear going to crowded places... I don't know what are my reactions if I bump into him. Will I smile or pretend not to see him or walk up to him with a smirk or give a fucked up face or just fuck him until he regrets knowing me... I don't know.

I have always believed that God has better things in store for me and that I am destined for greater things to come. I guess God has granted my wish in a subtle way, seeing and meeting him in my dreams...

Healing power of solitary travel

2008-09-10T02:22:00.006+08:00

I returned home a believer in the healing power of solitary travel.

Came back from Bangkok weeks ago feeling "new". For awhile. Of course, I didn't go there alone, but I was, somehow. No Mummy or Daddy to make decisions or plan where to go.

Healing power? Absolutely.

It was a nice feeling.

Independence.

Burden, yet fulfilling beyond satisfaction.

Dr. Phil's Test

2008-09-05T14:37:00.003+08:00

I scored 51 =) and certainly happy with it. Hahahaha~

This is fun...only takes a couple of minutes. Below is Dr. Phil 's test. ( Dr. Phil scored 55; he did this test on Oprah - she got a 38.)

Read on, this is very interesting! The following is pretty accurate and it only takes 2 minutes. Take this test for yourself and send it to your friends.

Answers are for who you are now --- not who you were in the past. Have pen or pencil and paper ready. This is a real test given by the Human Relations Dept. at many of the major corporations today. It helps them get better insight concerning their employees and prospective employees.

It's only 10 Simple questions, so grab a pencil and paper, keeping track of your letter answers to each ques tion. Make sure to change the subject of the e-mail to read YOUR total . When you are finished, forward this to friends/family, and also send it to the person who sent this to you Make sure to put YOUR score in the subject box. Ready?? Begin.

1 When do you feel your best?
a) in the morning
b) during the afternoon &and early evening
c) late at night

2. You usually walk...
a) fairly fast, with long steps
b) fairly fast, with little steps
c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face
d) less fast, head down
e) very slowly

3. When talking to people you...
a) stand with your arms folded
b) have your hands clasped
c) have one or both your hands on your hips
d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking
e) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair .

4. When relaxing, you sit with. .
a) your knees bent and with your legs neatly side by side
b) your legs crossed
c) your legs stretched out or straight
d) one leg curled under you

5. When something really amuses you, you react with...
a) big appreciated laugh
b) a laugh, but not a loud one
c) a quiet chuckle
d) a sheepish smile
e) a warm smile that lights up your face

6. When you go to a party or social gathering you .. .
a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you
b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know
c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted...
a) welcome the break
b) feel extremely irritated
c) vary between these two extremes

8. Which of the following colors do you like most?
a) red or orange
b) black
c) yellow or light blue
d) green
e) dark blue or purple
f) white
g) brown or gray

9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep you are...
a) stretched out on your back
b) stretched out face down on your stomach
c) on your side, slightly curled
d) with your head on one arm
e) with your head under the covers

10. You often dream that yo u are...
a) falling
b) fighting or struggling
c) searching for something or somebody
d) flying or floating
e) you usually have dreamless sleep
f) your dreams are always pleasant

POINTS:
1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6
2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1
3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6
4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (b)) (d) 1
5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2
6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2
7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4
8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1
9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1
10. (a) 4 (b) 2 ( c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1

Now add up your total number of points.

OVER 60 POINTS : Others see you as someone they should 'handle with care.' You're seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.

51 T 60 POINTS : Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

41 TO 50 POINTS : Others see you as fresh, liv ely, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.

31 TO 40 POINTS : Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.

21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then , usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.

UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions & who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you' re boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't.

IKAN MATI!

2008-09-03T02:55:00.006+08:00

Good things have been happening.....

Me and my Bangkok Trip, me receiving Star Teacher's Awards for Most Motivating and Most Innovative Teacher... Pictures in my Multiply ;p

.....Until TODAY.

After months and months of not cleaning the fish tank, I finally did. Usually, I'll fish the fishes out of the tank before cleaning but last night, I left them there.

These fishes are the new batch, so this is the first time I'm cleaning the tank since they have been with me.

This morning, Mom broke put the news that ALL the fishes are dead!

It pains me to see them floating around hopelessly... Usually I fish them out with my bare hands... But I had to use a fishnet cos..... I don't know... Ok I feel like crying now... I had to flush them down the toilet bowl..... It was so depressing...

Urgh. No more fishes... The whole day today, I kept on recalling of the fun times... They would wait for me when I come home... They're so lovely, always rise to the surface, waiting to be fed, even they have been fed...

Then there will be 2 of them, playing catching... I would talk to them everytime I come back and before I leave the house... I would sing to them... Everytime I top up the water, they would play with the "waterfall".

I miss them so much! Usually, when I am online, they're next to me... now all I can see,

IS AN EMPTY TANK!

Reader's Digest

2008-09-02T03:18:00.021+08:00

Hmm... I came across something interesthing, which is worth blogging and sharing about, I think. That is, if you're interested in things like this.

"Kryptonite Unearthed"

SHHH... DON'T TELL SUPERMAN - but kryptonite may well be real. Scientists have analysed a newly found mineral and discovered that it contains the same elements as kyrptonite, the mythical rock from Superman's home planet, Krypton, that robs him of his powers in comic books and films.

Miners discovered the substance in a mine in the Jadar region of Serbia. It was then identified by London's Natural History Museum and given the name jadarite. Mineralogist Dr Chris Stanley searched the web using the new mineral's chemical formula - sodium lithium boron silicate hydroxide - and discovered that was the description of kryptonite's composition used in Superman Returns. Dr Yvon Le Page of the National Research Council in Canada called it the "coincidence of a lifetime."

While the new mineral is white rather than green, and doesn't emit a radioactive glow, in all other respects it's a perfect match. Unfortunately, it can't be named kryptonite. The material doesn't contain krypton - a real element in the periodic table.

Wow. I had to squint my eyes in the dark to type that. My comments - COOL! Coincidence of a lifetime indeed!

From Minerals to Medical updates now.

Just when you think things can't get any weirder. Organs transfer. A surgeon can perform surgery halfway across the globe, away from the patient. You name it. Now, something that fascinates me - I hope it fascinates you, had a hard time typing in the dark! - plastic plasma!!! Yup, you read it right!

"Plastic Plasma"

Blood made from plastic may one day be able to save lives in medical emergencies where real blood is not available.

Lance Twyman, PhD, from the University of Sheffield, has developed a molecule made from polymer (plastic) and porphyrin that hold iron atoms at their core. It is similar in size and shape to haemoglobin and mimics the red protein responsible for transporting oxygen in the bloodstream.

The idea of pumping plastic into the bloodstream but Twyman says porphyrins are natural and the polymer component is likely to be ignored by the body's immune system.

Although confined to the lab at the moment, if proven successful in humans, plastic blood - which is not blood-type dependent - may be used on the battlefield or in quick emergencies where quick replacement of blood loss would save lives.

Hmm... I don't know. These eye-opener, jaw-dropping news just prove one thing... Humans are getting smarter these days, challenging God in more ways than one.

Ramadan Starts!

2008-09-01T04:02:00.003+08:00

Here comes yet another soul-testing Ramadan!

To all Muslims, Happy Ramadan!

Ok I don't know why I'm high... But whatever.

Selamat menjalani ibadah puasa semua!

Gemini Baby

2008-08-26T22:18:00.004+08:00

A Cancerian friend of mine, has Gemini friends, she keeps saying that we're all the same, stubborn, possessive, vain yadaa yadaa.

In an e-mail I just received, it says,

Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards oppisite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts... Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited.

Everything is true, except 'Beautiful physically' and perhaps about 'not having many children'. I have yet to go through that phase, and besides, the definition of 'many' varies from person to person. Haha.

I don't believe in the stars, cos if I read another description, it fits just nicely. I guess everyone has a bit of something. I mean, how many Geminis have weak breathing or needs no motivatrion right?

Whatever it is, Capricons should just go to Hell. And I myself thought someone didn't believe in the stars.

Cute things in life...

2008-08-10T16:27:00.011+08:00

Sometimes, some of the cutest things in life can't be expressed with words...

This is my brother's Science project, you know the one where you have to accumulate a certain amount of starts to get that badge, Young Scientist thingy. I know what's his source of inspiration. ME! I collect those badges when I was younger, and still showing them off to the younger ones. =)

Reading this paragraph made me laugh. Not only is it funny, it's cute!!! And for a boy to come up with such paragraph is utterly adorable!!!

Then comes drawings on the whiteboards after or before class. =)

Even cuter, when you're teaching your sister in school. I wouldn't say 'teaching'... It's more of a 'spying'... Hehehe.

Then comes the Backstreet Boys of 2N6. I love each and every one of this monkeys. They're pain in the asses at times, but they're so terribly cuuute!

See the boy on the bottom right corner? His half face. He's the blurrrrrrest of them all! That's why he has the liberty of sitting NEXT to me when he's doing work.

And you know what's the most cutest thing of all? (Though it's tiring), me sweeping colour pencils, erasers and sharperners after class. Why? To save them from being swept and thrown away by the Makcik cleaner.

I'm down and downer!

2008-08-03T00:39:00.000+08:00

I guess at some point in our lives we all go through a dark night of the soul, when our lives seem barren and pointless and painful. In times like these, loneliness loomed before me and I wondered if my prayers reached heaven at all.

Thank God I have friends I can count on to put a smile on my face. Everytime. Anytime. Some anthropologist once said that one of humanity's strongest needs is to know that there is someone who cares whether you've come safely home. And hell yeah, they're so right!

It's nice to know you have friends available, -though there are days I thought I was the only person not abducted by the aliens- you can always ask them out for coffee, go shopping etc. I have friends who are not only friends to me, they're like my mothers, counselors, phsychologists, sisters, fathers, teachers etc. What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.

If only we can choose where to reside... I'll definitely settle for Neverland!!! I don't want to grow up! I want to play all day, watch Peter Pan challenge Captain Hook, spend time with the Mermaids at the Lagoon, have food fights, tease Tinkerbell... Whatever spiritual juice I'd felt as a young girl growing up is evaporating. Maybe all evaporated!

I miss school. I miss those times when pop quizzes were killers. Like ambushing assassins they elicited fear and loathing in the prey, and a certain heady power in the hunter. WHAAAT?! Yes, that was what those 10% feels like!

I am down. Honestly, I am so down, I can't be any downer! If such a word even exists!

Life as a Teacher

2008-07-15T17:42:00.010+08:00

I need shelves. Like seriously. Look at my office!

It's in a mess! This was last week's view. Every week, it keeps on getting worse. Oh, I forgot to take the WONDERFUL view of my art room, the small little room where I keep all the works. I have no space in the office, no space in the art room. Great isn't it?

Oh guess what. Last week, my Sec 1s are doing expressions. They were told to draw 6 different facial expressions.

Take a closer look at the "Angry Face".

Thaaanks. I look SO PRETTY. I KNOW. Well, he's one of the students I adore, so I'm cool with it. Hahahahaha. And here's the oh-so-nice graffiti by Faisal, currently in Sec 5, he was in Sec 1 when I was in Sec 5.

Kids nowadays are different from my time. Of course, 'naughty' is nothing now. Students runnign around, playing soccer in my class, not to mention catching... Oh the girls even style themselves, my Art room is a multi-purpose place! Salon, Field, Court. Everything. Not only that, the room seems like a Funfair. No, make it Circus, if not Zoo. I have students on the cupboards as well.

Of course, it's no surprise to see my Sec 1s doing that. But look! Here are the adorable Sec 4s.

But you know what... I love them all. And my job. But I don't want to do this. For now.

Computers

2008-06-19T10:20:00.001+08:00

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. 'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?' Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Tagged by Ha

2008-06-16T18:53:00.005+08:00

Tagged by Ha

Q: If your Lover betrayed you, what would your reactions be?
Talk to him. Some interrogations would be perfect.

Q: If you can have a Dream to come true, what would it be?
It's something I'd like to keep to myself, once it's fulfilled, I'll let you know.

Q: What will your dream wedding to be like?
=) You'll see the pictures here in years to come.

Q: Are you confused of what lies ahead of you?
Perhaps.

Q: What's your ideal lover like?
=) It's gonna take half of the space here. I'll save it for another entry.

Q: Which is more blessed , loving someone or being loved by someone?
Both. If I have to choose, it would be being loved.

Q: How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
Not sure. I'm in the phase baby!

Q: If the person you secretly liked is already attached , what would you do?
Nothing. I don't wreck relationships.

Q: Is there anything that made you unhappy these days?
Sure, the lack of time.

Q: Is being tagged fun?
It depends on the questions.

Q: How do you see yourself in ten years time?
Haha. Hmm... Sprawl on the beach with Pina Colada with extra extra extra pineapples, on the Eiffel Tower looking down, enjoy the chocolates in Switzerland, allow my feet to have fun with the sandy deserts of Egypt, screaming my lungs at Dieney Land, lay my eyes on the beauty of Taj Mahal... Colloseum... Great Wall of China... Easter Islands... Stonehenge...

Q: Who are currently most important people to you?
Those around me, you know who you are ;D

Q: What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Loud, only with the people she's comfortable with.

Q: Would you rather to be a single & rich or married but poor?
Single & rich.

Q: What's the first thing you do every morning?
Check out the time and groan.

Q: Would you give all in a relationship?
Depends on the guy.

Q: If you fall in love with two person simultaneously, who would you pick?
the lousiest one?
OR
the better one?

Depends.

Q: What type of friends do you like?
Funny, crazy, intellectual, thoughtful, listener.

Q: Do you have a pet?
Sure I do. I love animals.

Q: What type of friends do you dislike?
Selfish. Self-absorbed. Irritants.

MSN - A war fought in the shadows and reported in whispers...

2008-06-05T00:30:00.004+08:00

A war
fought in the shadows
and reported in
whispers...

2-line rhyme

2008-06-02T12:06:00.003+08:00

Something that made me smile in the morning at work.

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other
That is until I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes......
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

Seeing 20/20

2008-05-30T12:11:00.010+08:00

I'd love to share this story with you. It touches me so much!!!!!
I don't mind squinting and typing, just to share this with you. ;)

Seeing 20/20

Springtime in new York City - my first apartment, a good-paying job and a great-looking girlfriend. it couldn't get much better than that. I had my life figured out. In fact, I felt so good, so magnanimous, that I decided to share my happiness with others. Helping someone less fortunate seemed the noble thing to do. Following a friend's example, I volunteered with the Lighthouse for the Blind.

The friendly volunteer coordinator explained they needed help with an outreach program for the elderly - recently blinded shut-ins. Telling myself I'd bring a little joy to some poor, unfortunate senior citizen, I agreed.

The night before my first meeting with the "shut-in," my girlfriend and I had a major fight. She stormed out; I sulked. The next morning, I struggled to open my eyes. I had spent most of the night reliving the fight. I was cranky, saturated with self-pity. I dragged myself out of bed to do volunteer work, but my generous mood had evaporated. I didn't want to visit the same old blind man.

Charlie lived in a rough section of Manhattan: the lowest section of the Lower East Side. Dodging delirious winos, occasionally crossing the street to avoid desperate-looking drug addicts, I trudged toward our first meeting. I tried to imagine what Charlie looked like. The coordinator said he was very old. At twenty-three, as far as I was concerned, anyone over sixty-five was at death's door. He was definitely over sixty-five, I'd been told. Probably senile, too, I thought to myself.

Well, I'd wasted this Saturday morning, I though, but I can call the Lighthouse early Monday morning and take myself off the list of volunteers. I climbed the crumbling steps to Charlie's run-down building and began the ascent to his sixth-floor apartment. No elevator.

Shuffling sounds signaled Charlie's approach; a face appeared from behind the graffiti-covered apartment door. I gasped. This guy's older than God, I thought. Cataract-clouded eyes, wispy white hair. He was ancient. Charlie wasn't just sixty-five; he was sixty-five years older that I was. He was eighty-eight.

He ushered me into his surprisingly tidy apartment. I couldn't help noticing it looked neater than mine, and I wasn't blind. Sitting on a slightly musty sofa, Charlie told me how he'd lost his vision and wife of more than fifty years, all in the previous ten months. He told me the past without a trace of self-pity.

I tried to imagine the tragedy of his life, thinking that I'd be suicidal if I was blind and alone. Charlie interrupted my thoughts. He was telling me how fortunate he'd been to have such a wonderful marriage for so long. He smiled to have such a wonderful marriage for so long. He smiled at me gently, as if sensing my discomfort.

That first day, Charlie and I visited his barber and walked - more than he had walked since his wife's funeral. As we walked, Charlie talked. Charlie had out-lived everybody. All his friends and relatives were gone, with the exception of a son in California. He told me tales of his younger days at sea, his service in World War I and his wonderful wife. Time slipped by. My agreed-upon one-hour visit stretched to three hours. Charlie was a great storyteller, but he was more than that. No matter what life event he shared, he never complained. Never. He was able to find something positive to say about what had happened to him.

Eventually, Charlie needed a nap, and I left him as his clouded eyes were drifting off to sleep. As I left, I thought that Charlie's eyes may have been fogged over, but his perspective was 20/20. Just spending a day with him corrected my distorted view of life. I saw all my problems plainly, and my self-pity vanished as I headed home.

Visits with Charlie became the high point of my week; his stories always put things in perspective for me. It's been a long time since I've had to struggle to wake up on a Saturday morning. Life's full of surprises, Charlie often said on our visits. It was true, I knew; no event was as surprising as my reluctant visit that Saturday morning many years ago, when an aging blind man opened my eyes.

Bill Asenjo

MSN - Men are laxatives.

2008-05-29T03:18:00.003+08:00

(Some) men are Laxatives.

They irritate the shit out of your ass.

[Cruising Mars]

That's my MSN personal message.

MY BIRTHDAY!

2008-05-23T02:32:00.007+08:00

23rd May 2008. I turned 21. How sweet some of my friends are. One of them? Muhammad Hafiz Bin Jumahat. How nice of him to present me 3 birthday gifts.

Birthday Gift #1-

Birthday Gift #2-

Birthday Gift #3-

Cool isn't it? After breaking my heart by saying they have "things" to do and couldn't be there to countdown to my birthday, boy was I one upset and lonely girl. Then, the incredible thing was, they said, "One condition, buy us Cheeseburger" Wow, that was one hell of a condition. Or so I thought.

Walking along the shore to find a suitable spot at Punggol End (after buying their Cheeseburgers of course) the 3 of them spotted 3 girls, giggling away. And there and then, they BLAME me, for BEING there. See the irony? If not for me, these 3 moronic creatures of God wouldn't be there in the 1st place! Hahahahaha. How swines.

Oh, I was my own Birthday Gift. Oh yes, prior to these, I practiced my annual routine, disclosing my Birthday Letters. When I was 15, I write Birthday letters to myself. The rule is to open the letter every year, at the stroke of midnight. I will have to do this until I am 25. I planned to stop there, thinking I'll get married by then, and it would be embarrassing if my husband finds out... Yadaa... Yadaa... Yadaa... I think I'm still single by then. Haha.

There we were... Oh yes, the 3 of them began encircling me. I knew they had something up their sleeves. They wanted to throw me into the sea. Swines.

The next day, 2N6 was supposed to celebrate with me, but since it was the last day of school, they had BETTER things in store. Sze Er came over to my place. My Sis bought 2 cakes, or they both shared or something.

One was Chocolate Brownie, the other was Mocha.

Fell asleep, drooling like nobody's business, my Maid woke me up, telling me Nisa's on the phone. She called home. How sweet. I rushed to Tampines. Oh by the way, Nisa is my coursemate. She's the best. She's the closest one, next to Bee Gee. Love them both!

We had Swensen's. Though I have a burning question to her. Hmm. Sab was there. Here's the lowdown. I know Sab as Nisa's bestfriend from Secondary School. About 1 semester later, or 2, I found out, Sab is my second cousin! Singapore couldn't get any smaller than this! =)

For the 1st time in my life, I couldn't finish an Ice Cream. It felt as if I'm the ULTIMATE LOSER. Judging from the way I gobble and swallow the food in my mouth and the way I finish up people's food, I felt like a loser.

We had light snacks. The initial plan was to eat later. So we just had ice crems, fries and Rodeo Wings. Oh God, that was FANTASTIC! I think God was in a good mood when he created chickens!

Showing her affection. Nisa is this loving. Ok Nisa, U owe me $50 for that!

On the way to the ladies to touch-up, pee and whatnot, we passed an Apple store. here we were, messing with the notebooks.

Fadli, Sadiq, his little sis and Ahmad the Dentist picked Nisa and I up. Sab left for work. We went to Seletar Dam, where I had a little bit of peace. Haha until this little one had to shoo my epace away! I LOOOOOVE BULLYING HER!

This was my Chocolatey cake!!! It was so chocolate, it was swimming hornily in my mouth!

Birthday Girl and her 3rd Birthday cake!

This is Ahmad the Dentist who earns 10 times than any one of us. Marry me Darling!

The people who made it happen. I just need a peaceful birthday. =) After that, somewhere between my boobs and tummy, left side, there's a LONG, SHARP PAIN! In the car, I was sprawling like nobody's business, as if going to deliver any second. the bumpy roads are definitely killing me.

I felt like vomiting. It was so nauseatic, we had to pullover at TPE for 5-10 minutes until I'm ready. Even if I'm not, the car can't stop in the middle of the Expressway!!!!! Reached my carpark, I couldn't get up. Tied my hair -oh I was sweating like Hell- and Nisa and Ahmad the Dentist helped me up. While walking from teh lift to my doorstep, my vision blackened. I was definitely gonig to faint, but I didn't. Thank the Lord.

The next day after training, we went Karaoke after eating at Orchard Towers. Of course, we had more dignity than to be mistaken for those whores.

In the beginning, before the whole troop came, we had the WHOLE ENTIRE ROOM to ourselves! Here Kak Efni and I were screaming our longs out to Ziana Zain's songs. Of course, I'm the Ziana, and she's the Zain!!!!!

That's the screen! On the wall, cool ain't it?

This was my 4th Birthday Cake! For the 2nd consecutive year, Siraj and I celebrated together. last year, it was at St. James. =)

Thats the Birthday Girl with her 4th Birthday Cake!

My belated birthday and his advanced!

Zali was an idiot to do this to me. I hate the way I smell. Urgh.

Soem of the ladies. Most of us.

Some of my soldiers went missing.

And that was my short and sweet ans simple and sexy 21st birthday. I'm tired. I need a rest. BYE!

GRADUATION!!!

2008-05-21T00:03:00.003+08:00

GRADUATION AT LAST!!!!!

Alhamdulillah, despite the heaps of obstacles, I still make it! Hahahahaha. I would have graduated with MERIT if I'm in those other stupid courses. Hahaha. Kidding!

One of the memorable days in my life, definitely. Hmm. Didn't turn out the way I wanted. Someone just had to spoil my MORNING. None other than The Mum. She was pissed cos she couldn't board the free shuttle service. I thought it would be an exception to parents, since it's graduation day. When the bus driver said no, The Mum was like "How?" I directed her to take bus 23 or 15. I had to board this free shuttle so that I'll reach ON TIME. She has half an hour still.

Then she texted me, telling that I have no responsibility towards family, blah blah blah. Prior to this, last night, she was nagging, saying I didn't help my sister with her homework, that I'm selfish. HELLO!!! NEWSFLASH! Syllabus has changed! I know the techniques of answering Social Studies, but she needs to know her content!!! I explained to The Mum countless times, but to no avail. Duh. Then she went on and on, "Rather than chit-chatting on the phone, why not u take a look at ur sister's work..."

I was SO PISSED. Tomorrow is my graduation. I'm talking to Nisa -after what seemed an eternity- about tomorrow, where to meet, what time and all, and there she went. The Mum should be thankful that I kept my cool. Really. I could be worse. Seriously.

Nevermind that. This morning, she just had to stretch my nerves by saying I have "no responsibility towards family" just because she was embarrassed, the fact that she couldn't board the bus!!! If I'm still ahead of time, I would have alighted and waited for SBS for her. Goddammit. Some people are just so selfish.

See the irony? She said I'm selfish, that I'm always outside with friends, that I don't contribute to the family. The Parents expect me to be home by 11.45. Yes,what's with the 45? Ah fuck it. I told her, I can be home by 2pm, but if I sleep and watch TV and do nothing, it's the same! I don't contribute to the family! By contributing, she meant checking my sibling's homework and stuffs. Actually, I'm not really clear about the other 'stuffs'. Whatever. Ok fuck it. This is about MY graduation.

Oh no I'm not done. The BEST thing is, she said I'm ALWAYS out with my friends. Well... Partly true. I AM out with friends, but hey, it's not EVERY SINGLE night! I have 4 tutees!!! 2 of my tuition assignments are twice a week!!! I'm OCCUPIED! I'M BUSY! Ok ok. Fuck it.

So..... Oh my God. I ranted lumps of shit up there. Cut to the point. By 9am, Graduants are supposed to be seated by 9am. Nisa and I? Still in the ladies after 9am. But of course, she's the vain one. I'm... NOT. ;p

While waiting for the ceremony to start. My instructions were clear, "I want the whole of CMM in the pic," and this is the "WHOLE". Hahahaha. Not Mr Guo's fault. Zombies were strolling in, we were right next to the Exit.

When the Convention Centre's lights were dimmed, and lights from these bubbles glowed, we were like "WHOAAAAAA" Hahahaha.

Oh yes, Apak came. I was so afraid he wouldn't turn up, cos of work... But there he was!!! Thank goodness I immediately called him the moment I was out of the CC. He was already at the lobby! Panicked, afraid that he'll leave before snapping some pictures, my mind went totally blank! i went around asking where's the lobby. Hahahaha. Thanks to Eudora, I took the lift down and there he was. And we snapped 2 pictures with my camera, and surprisingly, one using his handphone.

I just LOOOOOVE this picture. Doesn't it shows how much I love my Diploma more than the Mum??? =D Oh, oh. Just a little background, Dad and I don't communicate much. Maybe not much. It's "AT ALL". We don't. He just doesn't talk to me. So I sort of complained, Mama was nagging, and SURPRISINGLY, he asked "WHY". Wow. That's an improvement!

This is Yazid and Mum. After 2 years in the same course, and 1 year in the same class, I chanced upon his Friendster photos, and sorted the link! My uncle is married to his aunty! My cousin is his cousin, which makes us second cousins! What a small world!

My heart smiles everytime I see this picture. Nisa's parents are so happy together. I wish my Dad was still there. But I guess it's a good thing he had to leave for work. It would be awkward to take a pic with your ex-wife, considering the last was during what... Ur wedding day? Okay maybe not. Haha. Exaggeratiiiiiiiiiiing.

Oh, the food was GREAT! The fruit tarts were awesome! ALL OF THEM! The Kiwi, Mango, Strawberry, EVERYTHING! Then there were some mini pizzas, on a bread... Fried Laksa (which I thought was Spaghetti, urgh) and the BLACK PEPPER CHICKEN SATAY!!!

I don't know what's with the pose. But I'm sure Alyssa enjoyed the food as much as I did!

Joanne's extension is obvious here huh. It's not, in real life.

Hui Min. My indicator. If I bump into her on the way to school, that simply means I'm early. If she's not in Bus 27, I'm in trouble!

Us and Vicnan. Congrats for winng the Gold medal!

Nadzirah. She's grinning from ear to ear despite the scorching heat.

Ali, SKSS schoolmate. Eh. Classmate too, during Mother Tongue lassons! Haha~

After waiting forever for these lads (which The Mum found out alot of things) sitting in the canteen with The Mum and Nisa, we finally take a picture. Okaaay.

On the way to Engineering Canteen 1, to meet The Mother's bestfriend, I bumped into Fish!!!!!

Took a cab home. Here with The Maid. Who will be back after being with us for 10 and a half years.

2008-04-25T03:39:00.001+08:00

I AM SO FREAKING SICK OF CHASING AFTER STUDENTS FOR THEIR WORKS!!!!!!!!!!

This is their freaking CA and SA assignments, and they have the cheeks to choose to ignore! For some, I don't even care, but it's just that... Before PRESENTING A BIG, FAT, RED ZERO, I'd have to call their parents first. URGH! For some, I really care, I don't want them to retain AGAIN.

Urgh. Whatever. When students LOVE you too much, they'll resort to surprise you with stuffs like this...

When the love grows stronger and stronger, the surprise is even BIGGER...

Sometimes, I just wish I have Art-psycho students like this...

... Then again, too much of something isn't good, is it?

Looking at the same stars, wishing differently.

2008-04-08T01:42:00.019+08:00

Yesterday, I was with my aunt, who's only a year older. We had coffee, and filled each other in, since it has been quite awhile since we... Hang out... Talk and stuffs...

Of course, as vulnerable humans, we're never free from the handcuffs of problems. We're the prisoner of our own problems. And breaking free? It's never easy. So we poured our hearts out.

Then she mentioned,

"We may be looking at the same stars, but wishing on different things..."

Her line made me smile. I LOOOVE looking at stars, admiring them like there's no tomorrow. Sometimes I'll just squeeze my face in between the window grills and stare at the sky for a good few minutes before I go to bed.

It's just so funny that inevitably, we morons wish for things that we know we can't have. As if wishing is not bad enough, sometimes we ARE aware that we can't have it, but we still wish for it. Commendable perseverance, but whatever for?

It's not that we're oblivious, it's just that I think humans choose to remain ignorant of the devastating reality.

Whatever it is, everytime I look at the stars above, I still wish for the SAME things I wish for years ago. Whatever for..........

P.A.T.I.E.N.C.E

2008-04-07T01:25:00.000+08:00

Seen at Mustafa, thanks to Enal. I like it. "The person who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones."

I think I have low tolerance for... Whatever now. I am not as patient as I was. I don't know why or how it began. It just happened. I think. I don't know. Whatever. Oh fuck it already.

When I want something, I want it to be done there and then. It's contradicting how a big time procrastinator like me, wants things to be done in an instant.

Sometimes, I don't even know who I am. Hahaha. But what I've always and will forever believe, I'll never lose myself in the midst of pleasing others. To begin with, I don't live to please others, unlike some people.

Vacuum - Pick me up.

2008-04-04T02:38:00.000+08:00

"I guess we're adults.
The question is,
when did that happen,
and how do we make it stop?"
Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy

Had one class today and I swear I screamed my lungs out until I lost my voice. Class was so noisy. That, I don't really mind. Honestly. It's just that one of the students has autism. The thing about people with autism, they can't be in a chaotic situations, they'll get agitated. There was a misunderstanding, and he began his deviant behaviours. The thing is, I'm just afraid if he goes berserk, I don't know the extend of how much he can go...

After what seemed a long day, I finally chilled with my friends. At least it's a good thing to do at the start of the weekend, rather than have horrid visions of what happened in class.

We were at Hafiz's void deck, waiting for Noran's boyfriend to pick her up before we leave for McDonald's to have dinner. I saw a lady putting a vacuum cleaner by the wall. Shortly after, -like 5 seconds later- an uncle scrutinized the vacuum cleaner and picked it up.

Of course, my imaginations stretched wildly. Maybe they're some Secret Agents. Haha. Ok. NOT.

Lately, I've been thinking about the future. Alot. If this is adulthood, please let me rewind, or at least freeze time for some time! When the hell did all these happen. I wish I'm still the naive 5 year old.

Anyways, the whole thing- about the lady and the man and the vacuum cleaner, taught me something. Well not really. It's just that... I apply it to my life. Hahaha. Ok I don't know what the hell I'm typing, but yeah...

To he lady, the vacuum seems useless, but not to the man, that's why he picked it up. Something thrown, doesn't mean it's useless. If it's not good for one, it might be good for another. Something left and abandoned might not be useless at all. At all. One day, another will see the true value in that supposedly 'useless' item.

Even the vacumms gets picked up. The question is, when will the One pick me up?

SAVOUR THE MOMENTS!!!

2008-04-02T00:54:00.021+08:00

It's funny how life is funny. Oh no! Here I go again!

Think about it. We go to school, we sit for countless of papers, we work, we earn, we pay the bills and we die. Life. Hahahaha. Okay maybe I'm in a jaded mood. I don't know. Haha.

So people, let me PREAAAAACH! SAVOUR THE MOMENTS!!!

Here's what I've been doing!!! Let the pictures do the talking alright?! ;p
The pictures begin with the recent ones, just days ago, all the way to the earlier part of the month. So it goes backwards. Enjoy!

Went Marina @ Keppel Bay, just chilled, snapped a few pictures, ate Donuts and went home.
Sheesha-ed during the day. Haha it's my first time doing it in the afternoon.
As and Enal busy with... Whatever the name of the game is while I was happily sheesha-ing and coughing away. Also, the first time, saye Sheesha sampai terbatuk-batuk. A'ah kau.
Went Masjid An-Nur. After a week of getting up early, my eyes didn't give in. I slept throughout the whole thing. Hahahaha.
Pagi-pagi dah giler. Tengoklah... Aiyah...
BECA RIIIDE! It was impromptu. Hahahahaha. I was like, "Eh As, nak naik Beca?" She was like "Mau pe???" So we got it. The first Uncle charged us $10/person. I told As it was expensive, cos the last time I took, it didn't cost that much. But that was more than a decade ago. Haha. So we went to the next Uncle, he said $10. Of course, I 'm SO NICE!!! I gave him $15. Hahaha. From Clarke Quay to Bugis.

Cruised Mustafa on one night. Of course, she found this stupid glasses. Hahahahaha. Don't we all want to slap her??? ;p
Nights before, chilled with Wawan and his brother Yayan, who happens to be my student. Ah ye, sno more Syakiran, now he's Mamu Yayan. Hahahaha. Of course, I complained to his brotehr about him drawing the Devil's thorn for Art. Ha amek kau Setan!
This is Wawan's son, Aniq. SOOOOO CUUUTE! He's not afraid of people, unlike some.
The mother-of-two, to-be. Oh, and the FAT father. Haha.
Was with Sidek at Starbucks, while waiting for the rest when Mr TAN GUO XIONG and partner-in-crime Kenny passed. Kenny was accompanying GUO XIONG to Poly, to get an MC. It's not really a wonder, isn't it? When is Guo Xiong not an asshole?
Now we know why they're single! Hahahahahaha~
Awkwardly tall. I just had to follow his pose. I just had to.
One day, Fahez chose to try As' new shoes. There you have it! Equipped with a voluptios body and a sexy pose, Miss Faheza for you!
Nisa's 20th Birthday on March 23rd. This is Sab, my 3rd cousin and the Birthday girl herself! =D
All of us. I was her only TP mate, the rest are her Secondary school friends.
Despite the pose, she loves me. I KNOW THAT TOO WELL. TOO WELL.
Yay! And we willingly allow the grass to tickle our butts.
Her YUMMY birthday cake from Secret Recipe. THIS IS MY FAVOURITE CAKE, I SWEAR! Betape gembinrenye hati Akak bile lidah ni dapat tompang gembire eh. Chuber.
The preparation.
Anada inginkan jawapan kepada soalan bonus iaitu - "Mengapakah makan-makanan BBQ mempunyai rasa pahit-pahit payau ketiak Apek?" Ha, jawapan tertera di muka mereka berbua!
Hilmi, step cute.
Nights prior to that, we Sheesha-ed. That's Mr Shy, Abdul Hafiz and Mr Funny Sidek.
Sidek joined after he knocked off.
Cute us - Adorable me and Ugly As. Hahahahahahahaha~
Nights before, hitched a ride in Vincent's car. I LOVE THIS PIC OF THEM!
As looks funny here! Sidek and his sexy pose. (Supposedly)
The Sardines.
Our trip to Sentosa days ago. Alif and Hafiz were acting weirdly funny.
Marsha and I.
Toldcha didn't I? They're just... Oh God, I can't find the words man!
Some China lady took this for us. "III, ERRRRR, SAAAN!"
Macam paham. Sesungguhnye tidak!
I didn't realise how big my ass is, until I had trouble balancing on that tree. Hahahaha.
Ni lah BAPAK kepade anak aku, seandainye kite still single by the age of 30.
Alif and Marsha.
On the way to Pahlawan!
The guys.
Hahahaha. I asked one staff to help us with this picture.
I told Hafiz I want a snap of the Merlion. This was his Masterpiece.
Orang Minyak promoting Sentosa.
MY DARLINGS!!!!!
ARM ROBBERY FAHEZ! MAMPOS! Hahahaha.
Ni dua ekor sememangnyelah takde keje.
Abang-abang tiang tong sampah.
I LOVE THEM!
Ni bukan ape, DEPRIVED CHILDHOOD JE.
KAN AKU DAH CAKAP.
FAHEZ BLANJE!!! BUKAN SELALU!
AWW. Cute Alif and Kodok Fahez??? ;P
Ni budak, mentang-mentang baru beli game, amboi-amboi! Sibuk betul!
KENTAL SIA KO PIX.
Timer!
Jambu kan As? KALAHKAN WILD BOAR!
I LIK ETHIS PIC! Hahahaha. Cute kan?
Me and Mr Confidant.
Fahez and sweet smile.
Lawa kan this shot?
WE JUST HAD TO!
Us at Borders.
She's crazy.
Hafiz l;ooks like a puppet!
Ya Allah! APELAH DOSA MAK BAPAK KAU AS!!!
Wee~
The day we bumped into Ms Jenny New, Ms Julia Goh, Ms Josephine Yeow and Ms Lim, the D&T teacher.
The top he bought from Batam.
Earlier this month, it was my darling cousin's 5th birthday. I bought her some Barbie stickers, hair clips and something. I can't recall.
So that's my March in a nutshell.

April Fools'

2008-04-01T00:14:00.004+08:00

Jaded, I couldn't care less about the date everyday. All I care about-

Monday - The day will end faster that I know it. No tuition today!
Tuesday - One more day to mid-week!
Wednesday - Midweek's here!
Thursday - Just one more day to Friday baby!
Friday - Thank God It's Friday!!!

Today of course, some moronic creatures, tried to pull my leg. I did fall for some, like,

"Teacher, can you pick my eraser on the floor?"

and

"Eh teacher, why my marks ah, 100/100?"

and I aghastly went

"HA WHERE?"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA APRIL FOOLS'!"

One smartass went,

"Cher, your slipper is tearing apart."

I looked at my sandal and went

"It's very thin right... Early in the morning, I nearly tripped at the bustop, thank God I didn't..."

"Eh Cher, I want to April Fools' you, then you really believe."

It took a few seconds for the info to sink before I realised and covered the blunder,

"Eh Luke, c'mon lah, do I look that dumb to be falling for your stupid jokes?"

My "FAVOURITE" student. Keyword-FAVOURITE. I shall not even think of giving you a summary of what he's like. Urgh.

"Cher, Cher, Cher, your behind there ah, got red red."

I was staring blankly at him. He was walking around the class like the school is his Dad's.

"Cher, really, your behind there got red, red."

When he said "Really", something was rotting, I could smell it beneath these nostrils man. Impossible for the whole class to remain quiet about the 'RED' thing on my back. I rolled my eyes and said,

"Ryan, do I look like I'm dumb enough to be falling for your stupid jokes?"

Smiling, he said,

"Eh Wo Lao Cher! How you know siaaa"

Whatever.

April first. Today marks the anniversary of my first PENTAS in TP, PENTAS: Akar Aku. I miss those times.

What else. Oh, happy birthday to my primary school friend, wherever you are, Iskandar, and to my student, Jannah. Happy, happy birthday people.

Vanity.

2008-03-21T04:21:00.014+08:00

Vanity. I've been wanting to blog about this, but time didn't allow me too. I finally took the plunge to do so, after witnessing too much of my kind being obsessed with... what else, Vanity.

I was in Suntec's Ladies, queuing, waiting for my turn. I swear my bladder was damn full man. As (yes, the infamous Asmawiyah, haha) was ahead of me, and behind me was a petite lady, probably in her twenties, looks like a maid, but God knows.

She was looking at her reflection, rubbing her tummy, reminding me of Aladdin, the part where he rubs the Genie out of the lamp. Contagious, I began to scrutinize my figure as well. As if I even have one in the first place! Hee. VANITY GUARANTEED!

What took women so long? In the ladies, they make their hair, they touch-up, they do this and that. Vanity. Not that men are an exception. I know some men who are worse than us women! Spend hours in the shower, getting ready, etc.

Back to women. I know people who care about their looks so much, so much so that they have their "personal" facial treatments. This person, let's name her Rapunzel. She spends a few minutes everyday, standing in the kitchen. Now you're wondering, What is Rapunzel doing??? Well, she lifts the lid of the thermos flask, and let the clouds of steam evaporate. Now you ask again, Why? Well, it's to open up the pores before she cleanse her face. DON'T ASK ME WHY! I swear Rapunzel does that! VANITY GUARANTEED!!

Next, I know Barbie. She's in her early 20s, nice girl, who's EXTREMELY conscious of herself. There couldn't be anyone more conscious about herself than Barbie. She got her teeth done, braces years ago when her teeth are fine, I swear! She really didn't need those braces man. She used to be... Voluptuous I can say, then she went on a strict diet- NO RICE. Ok. She's slim now, a model. She has this -I am so honored to say- DISEASE, she can't pass a mirror, or any reflective surface! She'd check herself out. Now tell me, HOW SICK IS THAT?!?!?! Oh, she has nice natural curls, she rebonds them every time. It looks flat and ugly! Nevermind that, I just hate it that she has to stop EVERY TIME she passes any reflective surface, even if the next one is a few steps away. She will stop and recheck herself! VANITY GUARANTEED!

Then I know of Snow White, who spent $600 on what? Her HAIR! Can you imagine that?!?!?!?! She cut it short, rebonded, and she said there was some package, some treatment thingy. Oh God. VANITY GUARANTEED!

Well you know, I can go on and on and on, until I run out of Fairytales' names. I'm going to end this. In a nutshell, everyone is Vain, but hey! You gotta know the degree to which your Vanity should go man! Urgh. Some women irritate the shit out of my ass.

I need to go get my beauty sleep. VANITY GUARANTEED? You bet! ;p

Miss the life.

2008-03-06T18:28:00.008+08:00

Hmm. Tomorrow is PTM- Parents-Teachers Meeting. Wow. Now I'm in the other side of the court. It still has yet to sink in.

Anyways, I kinda, no, no, no, I AM missing the sound of my life force being sucked into a shrieking vortex of infinite boredom. Hahahaha. I've been so occupied, which is both good and bad. =)

I think this week is the best week ever! The Sec 2s are away for their camp and the Sec 3s are away for some camp too, over at Johor. The Sec 1s... I don't know, just in class, doing CIP and whatnot. I'M FREE!!! So I spent the whole of this week with the Sec 4s, helping them with their N and O Level courseworks. SO COOL! I really, really miss being a SECONDARY school student.

Last night, came back to TP. What else... MAG's committee meeting.

It ended with me and the Titisan peeps over at Tekno. Yes guys, I know you miss me. Tak cukup bilang pat MSN/SMS eh?

Oh, passed Art Space, and I saw my Nira girls faces on the board! Oh I miss and certainly love you all!!!

Life's been... Alright. I somehow feel it's falling into place. Thank the Man above. ;)

SINGLE LIFE

2008-03-01T18:23:00.013+08:00

"I think it's better to have someone,
even if it hurts,
even if it is the most painful thing you have done,
even if it's the most painful thing you've ever had to do.
I think it's better to have someone."
Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy

Riiiiight. And suddenly the thoughts in my head just flooded my mind the instant I read that. Damn. Oh, I guess I must have been such an idiot to think I'm FULLY over Him. There was a period of time when I feel like I'm totally done, TOTALLY over Him. Guess I was wrong. Sometimes.

Nights ago, I don't know why, but listening to Chris Brown's With You sent me to Cloud #9. The question is, "With who?". The "You" isn't present in my life. Yet. Then I thought of Him while listening to the sweet song. I can just picture him singing to me, hugging me with his stupid expressions. This is the kind of song that he'd sing to me. THEN. Now, well I'm not dating, I'm not seeing anyone.

So anyways, I was just thinking of everything. The day we met, the moments we spent together, the misunderstandings, arguments, quarrels, etc. Then I began to count how long have I been alone. Wow. A year. How time flies..... It still feels like yesterday that we're still together.

I took an album of our pictures, looked at it, cried like a pussy. Yups, I cried. To sleep. God, I should slap myself hard right now. Haha.

Oh check this out. I ALWAYS, yes, ALWAYS dial 1612 instead of Starhub's 1633. Why? 1612 is sort of... OUR number- 16th of December is our anniversary. I'll dial 1612 EVERY TIME I want to call Starhub. Oh well... I'll just smile and shake it off every time. Sick isn't it?

Sometimes I wonder, what the hell is wrong with Him. Whatever. There are alot of fishes in the sea, bees in the garden etc.

I was talking to friend the other day, she said, "Go out! Get to know people!" I don't know man. I tend to judge a person faster than the speed of light. And when someone turns me off, that's it. I'll have that perspective of him for the rest of my life. The only way to overcome it, is to stop talking with me for a few weeks or months, then start anew.

Anyways, about going out and getting to know people, I... For one, I don't have the time, like seriously, I'm busy with work. I'm beginning to hate that 4-letter work - B U S Y. Next, I need to know that the person is alright you know. What if he's a sicko. Urgh. I don't know.

Whatever it is, I don't need a man to make me feel whole and complete. Well at least that's what my brain says. My heart begs to differ...

I'm a Teacher!!!

2008-02-29T03:19:00.018+08:00

Okay, so here's the update, for those who have been missing me, hating me, wondering where I've disappeared to, swearing upon my absence or whatever. I can't think of anymore reasons. (Oh, if there are, do inform, I'd really like to know.)

After my LAST paper, I started working. I'm a teacher. Oh my God. Yeah. I, myself can't believe I typed that. Honestly, I don't want this. Reason being that I can land a better job with better pay. Since the school needs my help, I don't mind. Anyways, one of my options- to go to NIE. I'm trying this out to see if teaching is what I want to do for the rest of my life. Sounds scary? I KNOW.

Of course, I'd love to snake around in the media industry for some time. Another reason why I consider teaching, is because of my tutees. I have tuition in the afternoons, and if I opt to get a job, I'll probably end in the evenings... And... Yeah... I would either have to shift the time, or give my tutees up. Which is not what I'll do.

So my daily routine currently? Of course, I'll be working form Mondays to Fridays. Afternoon tuition on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays and night tuition on Wednesdays and Fridays. I have yet to start the night tuition on Mondays and Tuesdays, my tutee is down with HFMD. Weekends? I go to the mosque on Saturday afternoons and then to training til late. Sunday? I'm starting to go to the mosque in the morning, and either rest or just chill out in the afternoons.

Teaching for a week have been... Challenging. Especially when you have to deal with students who are going through the shifting phase. Yes, I'm teaching the lower sec. There are really weird ones who'll scream at your face, then runs away from you, stand on the table, etc.

When I say scream, I really meant scream, "GET LOST! DON'T LOOK AT ME! AAAAAH!" When he screams "AAAAAH" and ran to the other end of the classroom, I nearly burst out laughing. He was funny! But of course, I put on a strict facade. Haha. I have students who goes around the class, from one table to another to spill water on his friend's shoes. I have students who are down with Autism. I have gangsters in the making, picking up a fight every 5 minutes, wrestlers wannabes, hairdressers wannabes. Challenging? Tell me about it.

Some are really nice. Oh yes, I teach Art. My students are supposed to submit an assignment, which is their CA. I told them I'll be in class today from 12.30-1.30pm if they want to submit. While some are busy hurrying their final touches, I took off my heels and played badminton with one of them.

The class call him Donald Duck, he walks like the character. He's so cute! He bought me the seaweed snack. Well I told him to. Haha. Some of them are nice, grinning from ear to ear when they see me around in school, talking to me etc.

Okay. Those are my students. My tutees... Hmm... Well, they can do it. The problem is they're lazy. One of my tutee, Shekha Esmeralda (yeah, cool name) she gave me 3 drawings, so nice of her!

Mama said she was so happy that I'm a teacher, she sujud syukur. She really, really wants me to be a teacher, from way long ago. I kept on telling her, that is not what I want. I guess making your parents -especially mum- happy doesn't kill, does it? =) It's nice knowing she's contented with what I'm doing.

Oh well. Let's just end this. I'm tired. I'll end this entry with Shekha's drawings.

ULCER! TEACHING!

2008-02-13T05:09:00.003+08:00

Urgh. Now's the time I need Bonjela. Like real bad. Ulcers are breaking out like nobody's business in my mouth! Yes, that's part of the reason why I'm Bonchjela. The other half of the reason, go figure lah huh.

My entire mouth feels warm. My saliva lingers at the edge of my peeling lips. It hurts like hell. It doesn't help that I keep on picking on my parched and chapped lips. Okay. I shall stop. Like it's gonna get any better by whining and dwelling.

I said something today and it disturbs me, in a nice way. I thought of it for the rest of the day. Until this very moment.

"Sometimes, doors open without you realising it."

Bulletin by Mariah

2008-02-10T03:09:00.000+08:00

Bulletin by Mariah from Friendster.

45 things that girls would want guys to do.

1. Touch her waist.
2. Actually talk to her.
3. Share secrets with her.
4. Give her your jacket.
5. Kiss her slowly.

Are you remembering this?

6. Hug her.
7. Hold her.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Invite her somewhere.
10. Hangout with her and your friends
together.

KEEP READING

11. Smile with her.
12. Take pictures with her.
13. Pull her onto your lap.
14. When she says she loves you more,
deny it. Fight back.
15. When her friends say i love her
morethan you, deny it. Fight back
and hug her tight so she can't
get to her friends, it makes her
feel loved.

Are you thinking of someone?

16. Always hug her and say I love you
whenever you see her.
17. Kiss her unexpectedly.
18. Hug her from behind around the
waist.
19. Tell her she's beautiful.
20. Tell her the way you feel about
her.

One last thing you need to do to show
her you actually do mean it.

21. Open doors for her, walk her to her
car- it makes her feel protected,
plus it never hurts to act like a
gentleman.
2 2. Tell her she's your everything -
only if you mean it.
23. If it seems like there is something
wrong, ask her- if she denies
something being wrong, it means
SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT-
so just hug her
24. Make her feel loved.
25. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls
you know !!

WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE
AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US

26. Don't lie to HER.
27. DON'T cheat on her.
28. Take her ANYWHERE she wants
29. Text messege or call her in the
morning and tell her have a good
day at work {or school}, and how
much you MISS her.
30. Be there for her when ever she
needs you, & even when she doesn't
need you, just be there so she'll
know that she can ALWAYS count on
you.

AR E YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER
BECAUSE, IT'S IMPORTANT !!

31. Hold her close when she's cold so
she can hold YOU too.
32. When you are ALONE hold her close
and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the CHEEK (it will
give her the hint that you want to
kiss her).
34. While in the movies, put your arm
around her and then she will
automaticall y put her head on
your shoulder, then lean in and
tilt her chin up and kiss her
LIGHTLY.
3 5. Dont EVER tell her to leave even
jokingly or act like you're mad. If
shes upset, comfort her.

REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE
WITH HER NEXT

36. When people DISS her, stand up for
her.
37. Look deep into her EYES and tell
her you love her.
38. Lay down under the STARS and put
her head on your chest so she can
listen to the steady beat of your
heart. Link your fingers together
while you whisper to her as she
rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other
grab her HAND.
40. When you hug her HOLD her in your
arms as long as possible.

MAK E SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED

41. Call or text her at night to wish
her SWEET DREAMS.
42. COMFORT her when she cries and wipe
away her tears.
43. Take her for LONG walks at night.
44. ALWAYS Remind her how much you love
her.
45. Sit on top of her and tell her how
much u love her and then bend
down to her face and kiss her
while sitting on her.

You'll never know when she needs
just a little bit more love

Happy New Year

2008-02-07T18:20:00.000+08:00

And so it says...

GEMINI - The Chatterbox
Smart and witty. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable but needs to express themselves. Argumentative and outspoken. Likes change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent, But is only changeable. Beautiful physically and mentally.

Eh? Agree with everything except for 'Beautiful physically'. Haha.

Oh and of course,

Happy Lunar New Year to you!!!

FUCKING PISSED

2008-02-06T21:28:00.000+08:00

I AM SO FUCKING PISSED UNTIL I CRIED.

GO FIGURE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!

1st February

2008-02-01T01:18:00.000+08:00

It feels just like yesterday I was at Clarke Quay, counting down, welcoming 2008 with much anticipation. Today's the 1st of February, which means 2008 is already a month old. How time races with competence...

These few days have been a pain. Literally. Hee. Head spins every second, granting me no mercy at all. Lack of sleep. Yup, that's the ultimate reason. I really gotta put the brakes on these sleepless nights man! And of course, inevitably, I caught myself sleeping WILDLY during bus rides, banging and swinging my head during the journey. Gosh that's embarrassing!

Anyways... That wasn't the intend of this entry.

When adversities confront me, after taking a deep breath, I always, WITHOUT FAIL, tell myself,

"The best thing about life is knowing you're alive"

Why? You have the power to make things happen, change the way things are... You're still there moving and breathing, you can do something about the adversities.

Sometimes, we humans are just too complacent that we don't thank God for still breathing life into us. How many times have you thank God the moment your eyelids unfold? How many times you thank God for the shelter? For the food? For the peace?

I think humans remember God when they're facing adversities. Only then will they pray, asking for... Whatever...

It's funny how life is funny. We study, we work, we pay the bills, we'll die.

Love is like Mathematics

2008-01-30T02:28:00.000+08:00

During a serious cum heart-to-heart conversation with a friend, He told me something. Something which surprised me. Well, coming from a guy, -who's not a boy and not yet a man- I was rather impressed.

He said something along these lines, Love is like Mathematics, you keep on getting the wrong answer then you have to try until you get it right. Yeah. Something along those lines. It's pretty cool how he coined that term.

Couldn't agree with him more. Oh gosh. I feel like a pussy, blogging about Love.

Anyways, had quality conversations just now with someone, close to the heart. I have been and am doing things that are not right. Wrong? Well yes, I know they're wrong, but... It's just so hard to stop.

I guess we all know -most of the times- what's right and what's not. (Of course, those who have brains would.) The thing is, we choose not to be right. Like Mathematics, we all have the solutions to Love.

For example, accommodation. If the Him is too busy with work, the least the Her could do is understand and stop questioning (this is one thing about women, they question more than they should, stop it you freaks!) the Him, where's the Trust man?

We all know what to do. We have the solutions, the elements of relationship, Trust, Patience, Affection, Understanding, yadaa yadaa yadaa. The only difference one relationship is to another, is the workings to the solutions.

How one goes about achieving the solution varies. Some couples end up in misunderstandings, quarrels etc, I guess the problem here is, they adopted the wrong 'workings'. Like Mathematics, some problems have more than one way of solving.

Some of the answers to the problems however, are negative. Again, just like Mathematics.

(x-5)(x+3)=0
Hence, x=5 or x=-3

Say, if the Her is pregnant (problems), and choses abortion (workings). Yay! The baby's gone (solutions), both can lead their lives as per normal. BUT..... See, there are pros and cons. Oh my God, He is right! Love is like Mathematics! Hee~

Some people prefer short-cuts. Some prefer showing every Step, in detail and precise, meticulous at presenting the workings. Some give up and skip the question.

Well, I guess He has a point there, Love IS like Mathematics.

--------------------------------------------

In another story...

Was at the bustop and it suddenly dawned on me that in 10, 20, 30 years to come, I'll have children and grandchildren. Now. I'm... Single. Hmm...

One thing's for sure, one day when I look back on these days, I'll laugh my ass off, worrying about all these stuffs. I think I'll read my blog and will just laugh at the 21 year old Lela. Because right now, I am laughing at the 15 year old me.

I'm weird. I know that. Since 15, I actually wrote birthday letters to myself, until the age of 25. So every year, when the second hand hits 12, I'll unfold one envelop. If something major happens in my life, I'll update, scribble it in a paper and slot it in every of the remaining unopened envelops.

So you might be asking, why 25? Why stop at 25? I don't know. Back then, I guess 25 was deemed old. Well, I was 15, and 10 years ahead is like so far away. Now that I'm 21, damn it, I'm only 4 years away!

It's nice reading the younger me's letter. I'll laugh at myself, every year, on May 23rd, without fail. Of course, there are major changes. Especially this year's. not going to dwell on it, but hey! I'm single. Like after 5-6 years. He use to be one of the earliest to call and text me. Oh well, big deal.

And of course, I 'grew' up with him, so part of my life is gone now. And every year, as I unfold the letters, they'd remind me of him. But hey, there are only 4 letters left!!! I might just consider continuing... Hmm...

Oh my God, this is hilarious. I'm pulling my own leg man. Last year, towards the last half of 2007, I gauge a time where I would have a Him in my life. So the day was my upcoming birthday. It was only earlier this month, I realised that it's 4 months away!!!

And in 4 months I'm suppose to be dating someone? HELL NO. I haven't found the Him. Yet. My next gauge, hmm... By my 22nd birthday?

Obsessed with time.

2008-01-29T01:59:00.000+08:00

I'm finally back after so long. Of course, the absence of entries is an indication of how drenched I am with the heaps of shit from school. We have to produce a news every week, filming is a bitch, editing's worse. Urgh. Besides that, there's CMM corporate video. It doesn't help that I'm the Director for that. Whatever. Then there's the 3 minute news feature to be produced, I have NO FREAKING idea of what news to cover. I AM TOTALLY DRENCHED. Never mind about that.

Tonight is just another Tuesday night, where my mind diverts from reality -from 11.30pm to 12.30am- by watching Grey's Anatomy. It's my routine, my weekly dosage. I know, it's sad. Just an hour. Not really, I was doing my school stuffs during commercial breaks, that doesn't total up to an hour.

"Everyone is obsessed with time..."

That was one of the first few lines from the award-winning drama. It registered pretty well, it sunk in the moment I heard it. It's true. EVERYONE is obsessed with time. Indeed.

I've been thinking alot lately. About life. Future. Everything. Okay now there's a sharp, excruciating pain at the left side of my forehead. Last night, I couldn't stop crying. Might be due to PMS. But really, I needed a good cry.

Anyways. Before I cried, I was talking to myself, something I haven't been doing for quite sometime. I talk about things affecting me, stuffs I'm absorbed in, shits I'm drenched in, yeah you get the drift, that sort of thing.

I reminisced of the days where I used to be a young girl, worrying about nothing but having the latest toys, watching Smurfs, Tom & Jerry and Ninja Turtles on time, stressing over the mixed Play-Dough, excited every week to collect the toys from McDonald's Happy Meals, wondering where's my Barbie's other shoe and stuffs like that.

Then it was PSLE. Then secondary school. Then it was the N levels. 9 points during the prelims freaked the shit out of my ass. Good thing I got a 4. Then it was the big Os. 19 points during prelims, again scared the shit out of my ass. Good thing, in the end, a decent 11 points, though I wanted a 9, and the furthest I aimed was a 10. Oh fuck it already. Urgh. Then poly. Now, I'm 3 weeks away from graduation.

I kept on thinking, but I still can't fathom what to do next. I remembered choosing the institutions after my O level results were out. Was at my aunt's place with Him. I cried. When He asked why, I remembered mumbling something like, "I can't decide on my own, where's Mama" and He was there, calming me down. (Ooh, he was a pretty good boyfriend. Pfft.)

Now, I'm going to have to make a decision. So... I looked into the mirror. I see myself, but it's someone else. I've bloomed. I've grown. I'm an adult. I can't believe it. Well, it's not like I JUST realise it, it's just... Wow. I'm making decisions. These are not just ANY decisions, these are life-changing decisions.

I feel like..... Wow. As much as I want to turn 21 -in hopes of escaping from the suffocation from my mom's apron- I am afraid to grow up. I remembered blogging about "Do we ever grow up?" (again, a line from Grey's Anatomy, hee) and... It's... Intimidating.

A few days ago, I was -like DUH- doing my school work, mommy was sitting diagonally opposite me. She asked, "Hows ***** and *****?" Then I reasoned out, "Person A is yadaa yadaa yadaa, Person B is yadaa yadaa yadaa..."

She said, "Patotlah budak-budak sekarang susah nak carik/dapat laki, somer cerewet." I seriously DON'T agree with her. Now this is where the conversation got interesting.

We started talking about marriage and men. I told her, I know what I want in a guy. After like what... 5, 6 years of being in a relationship, I know what I want, I'm not going to repeat my mistakes yadaa yadaa yadaa.

I told her, I hope she won't be the mom who wants her daughter to get married at a certain age because of stupid reasons, like "...you're old, get married soon before you expire..." or if she wants grandchildren... If you want your time to be occupied, go to SPCA and adopt a freaking rabbit or a cat! Muahuahuahua!

I told her, there are things in life I want to do, there are things in life I want to achieve, there are things in life I want to fulfill. I told her to never force me to get married or whatever. This is all up to the Man above.

Marriage is once in a lifetime. (Hopefully, that's the case for me.) It's supposed to be one of the happiest day in your life. Imagine getting married in a rush, bad planning etc... What's worse, imagine getting married to the wrong guy!

There are several things important to me in a guy. My aunt and I exchange this question more than often, "Do you think I'm picky?" And in the end, we keep on assuring ourselves, "No, do not settle for second best, we're educated people, and we know what we want in life."

Then again, I can't help but think, the more educated one is, the later he/she gets married. I know, I'll be turning 21 in 4 months time. 21 is an early age to be thinking about marriage. I'm just thinking ahead.

I just feel that guys nowadays are dumb. Speaking of which, a friend of mine, was labeled DUMB, for planning her career prospects, dumb for supporting herself and parents, dumb for laying her future plans. Funny how the same person acknowledged her, "...as a lady who is capable of anything..." and that there are no doubts of her capabilities. She was even, "...crowned as the best contender when it comes to challenges..."

I don't know if I'm attracting the wrong crowd, but I receive tonnes of hi-boleh-kenal-kenal? messages, it's a major turn off you fools! Those are deemed the worst pick-up lines! I just feel that these brainless people give rise to the influx of pea-brained morons.

Imagine marrying someone who you can't have intellectual conversations with. Imagine someone who laze around (this reminds me of a Sociology theory, it says that men who earn lesser than their wives, laze around at home) doing nothing, expects the wife to handle household chores.

I'm not trying to stereotype Malay guys. No, I'm not racist, I'm Malay myself. See, here's the thing. I feel that most Malay men -or those I've encountered- are not driven. They don't have directions. They don't upgrade themselves. They just don't have a motivation.

It's like, "I'm working here, and I'll be here for the next 10 years." C'mon man, don't you want something more in life? Education doesn't stop there, anywhere. You don't just save up to buy cars or watches or renovate the house etc.

I envy Malay men who strive to pursue their dreams. There are a couple that I know of, and guys, Insyaallah, you'll achieve those dreams =)

Of course, in Singapore, Malays earn the lowest, highest being the Chinese, followed by the Indians. We Malays are aware that the thing that kill us, or our deadliest sin is SLOTH. Yes, we're lazy bunch of asses. When can we ever get out of this sickening vicious cycle?

Time waits for no man. We heard it all before. Sometimes, I feel that life is too short. There are so many things in life that I want to accomplish, but too little time. Well, I guess you've heard this one before, time is of the essence.

I'm sure there are alot of you ladies out there questioning yourselves, "When will I ever..." I guess, one way or another, we are all obsessed with time.

The Britney Economy

2008-01-22T10:57:00.000+08:00

Nights ago, tired from assignments and whatnot, I decided to take a tour down Memory Lane. Not mine, but the legendary Miss Spears'. From the official channel in youtube, http://www.youtube.com/user/BritneyTV

So there's this article on how much she's worth, credits to http://www.portfolio.com/culture-lifestyle/culture-inc/arts/2008/01/14/Britney-Spears-Career-Analysis

The Britney Economy

by Duff McDonald February 2008 Issue

A back-of-the-napkin calculation of just how much the scandal-plagued star is worth to the multitudes who make money off her.

To the casual tabloid reader, Britney Spears' life looks like a train wreck. To the Britney Industrial Complex, comprising everyone from paparazzi to perfume vendors, she is a gold mine. Whether she's shaving her head or battling for custody of her children, Britney seems to grow more fascinating (and to some people, more lucrative) every time she stumbles. Recent court documents suggest she's amassed a $125 million fortune and continues to rake in about $737,000 a month, or nearly $9 million a year. But that's chicken feed compared with the overall Britney economy.

The Packagers
Britney has sold 83 million records since the release of her debut album in 1999, bringing in more than $400 million to Jive Records, her recording company. Even her 2007 album sold well, despite her troubles. Her tours have grossed nearly $150 million; the average take for her 265 solo shows is $583,138, according to Pollstar, which tracks touring data. But there's a lot more of Britney for sale than her music: Pure Nightclub in Las Vegas reportedly sold seats at a table next to hers for $50,000 at a recent bash, and she still commands between $250,000 and $400,000 just for showing up at events. Elizabeth Arden has sold nearly $100 million worth of its Britney perfumes—Believe, Curious, and Fantasy. PepsiCo determined that it was worth paying her a reported $4 million to $10 million for a short-lived ad gig.

Estimated annual take for record company, promoters, licensers, and others: $30 million to $40 million

The Paparazzi
A Britney photo garners anywhere from $250 (for a run-of-the-mill shot of her at Starbucks) to $100,000 or more. The photo agency X17, which has a team trailing her 24-7, estimates that Britney accounts for 30 percent of its revenue: It sold $2.5 million worth of Britney photos in 2007 alone, including $500,000 for its exclusive Bald Britney pics. Competitor Splash News says that Britney accounts for 10 to 15 percent of its business, boosted this year by $200,000 for photos of Britney in a hot tub. All told, Britney probably makes up a full 20 percent of the paparazzi business.

Estimated average annual take: $4 million

The Media
If it seems like every time you see a newsstand, Britney is on the cover of another magazine, that's only because…she is. A celebrity tabloid with Britney Spears on the cover sells 1.28 million newsstand copies, some 33 percent more than the average. Between January 2006 and July 2007, Britney was a cover subject of People, Us Weekly, In Touch, Life & Style, OK!, or Star a total of 175 times in just 78 weeks. During that period, newsstand sales of issues with her on the cover amounted to a staggering $360 million. She's also topped the annual Yahoo Search rankings in six of the past seven years, slipping to No. 2 only in 2004, when Paris Hilton briefly stole her crown. Searches for Britney were up 60 percent in 2007, the year of her divorce, shaved head, and car wreck. "If there was no Britney, would all Web traffic stop?" asks Vera Chan, senior editor at Yahoo. "I would hesitate to give her that much power, but it's hard to argue with the facts."

Estimated average annual take: $75 million

K-Fed
The most famous ex in America, Kevin Federline is living large off his Britney-fueled image. Nightclubs reportedly pay him about $30,000 just for appearing. And he gets $35,000 a month from Britney in spousal and child-support payments.

Estimated average annual take: $1 million

The Bottom Line
Britney's peak touring and recording years are surely behind her, but the public's fascination with her chaotic life continues to mint money for those selling her image.

Estimated annual value of the Britney Spears economy: $110 million to $120 million

----------------------------------------------
Additional Reporting by Miriam Datskovsky

Hi5 Requests

2008-01-16T03:32:00.000+08:00

This is what happens if you don't log in to your account for a period of time.
So please, maintain your site.

SQ logo is a BIRD!

2008-01-15T22:25:00.000+08:00

20 years of my life, 20. 20 okay. It's only NOW that I know the logo on SQ's tail is a bird! If not for the visit to Terminal 3, and not for Dayah, I would have continued believing it's just the letter "S", designed in an abstract way. Oh my God, I can't believe I didn't see it.

Let me take you through. Haha. This is naughty Dayah who deliberately entered the frame.

So this is Terminal 3. Looks like a forest.

For some reasons, Dayah was very, very, very HYPERACTIVE today!!!

Of course, it's a nice terminal. Pleasant view.

Yes, yes, she entered the frame again. Naughty girl!

This is the malls inside. Nice place.

Look at the cabin crews.

LOOK! IT'S A BIRD AND A PLANE! AND I'M A SUPERIDIOT!

Oh this is the toilet, where we spent like... A long period of time here.

I opened the SECRET DOOR!!!

Oh, this is the one-way mirror. Outside, the normal forest.

Singapore's very own ICE CREAM!!!!!

Diversion from reality

2008-01-10T02:07:00.000+08:00

Phew. The week is coming to an end. Just in the blink of an eye. Tomorrow's Friday. How scary is that.

This whole week has been exhausting. Pardon the negativity. Hee. Endless assignments, projects and whatnot. Research, compiling things, presentations, submissions. You name it. I'm totally drenched.

I didn't sleep the whole of last night, compiling stuffs for the presentation earlier this afternoon. I panicked when one of my group members said the background was just WHITE. I was like WHAT THE HELL??? But it's her laptop, nothing to do with my work =)

Anyways. Moments ago, I sat at the edge of my bed, scrutinizing the four walls. I swear my train of thoughts was speeding its way through traffic man!

You know, we live... To die... In the afterlife, all our deeds will be questioned yadaa yadaa yadaa. Why must we work so hard, in the end, we won't bring all these to the afterlife. Well, I guess this is just... Life. Islam taught us to work hard. Okaaay. STOP!

And my train jam breaks. It's funny how life is funny. Ok. digest that line. Get it?

I thought my mind needed some diversions from reality. From my collection of books, though all stared, one was glaring at me. I picked it and chose the story I wanted to read.

I don't know about you, but I am definitely not the type who reads novels. What's with those books? Once in awhile, maybe. But everytime? Are you kidding me? MY love life is already a SAGA on its own!

I love books on life. Social issues. Psychology. Religion. Not love. It's just so. Yuck. Even if I read it, it's for the structure, the composition, the flow... Just everything else but the story. As in content. Ok whatever.

So the book was Chocolate For a Teen's Heart. It's a compilation of short stories, like 3 to 5 pages on life. Written by normal everyday people, it's good to have a glimpse of what they are like.

I read 2 stories. And damn I felt so good! I just need diversion from reality. And the stories helped me. Alot. Tomorrow's going to be a looooong day. But hey! The weekend's here babe! For now, I think my mind needs a little bit more diversions. =)

Muslim's New Year

2008-01-09T03:00:00.001+08:00

To all Muslims out there,

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Yes, kepada anda yang tidak tahu, CHUBER EH! Name saje Muslim.
Amboi, LASER nye Cik Lela kiter ni, you say, but really, how many of us are aware of this?

Sudahlah, Akak tanak berceramah, ni projects, ASSignments (ASS NENEK LECTURER AKU PIA YEK AH KWANG KWANG KWANG) bertimbun-timbun, bergunung-ganang! (HA! MACAM DOSA AKU JUGAK! BERAT GURL AKU PIKUL BERBAKUL-BAKUL!) Melalak air mata darah, berak taik hijau tau aku!

Feels funny blogging in Malay. Hokkaaaaay~ Mak nak blah!

2008-01-08T15:52:00.000+08:00

When a believer is striken with
any hardship, or pain, or anxiety, or sorrow,
or harm, or distress
- even if it be a thorn that has hurt him -
Allah redeems thereby some of his failings.

HADITH OF AL-BUKHARI AND MUSLIM

Oh yes I'm going through mountainous heaps of shit right now. Totally drenched with projects and assignments. ENDURE LELA ENDURE! 5 more weeks and I'm done man. No, EXAM FIRST then I'm done.

I need words of encouragement from others. It really surprises me that my own words seem so helpless to me.

These 3 years in TP have opened my eyes. I learnt things about myself. Some of the qualities I didn't know I possess. Good and Bad. Fuuuuuh~

A revelation. Indeed.

I'm Ariel!!!

2007-12-30T05:42:00.000+08:00

Weeks ago, I did this in Facebook. Of course, I didn't really have the time to upload this. LOOK MUM, I'm ARIEL!!!

I don't know what about Ariel that makes me so intrigued by her. I mean, I do admire her because of certain expects. Her strengths, her wits (though using the fork is not exactly an example of her wits! Hee) her courage...

I don't know why, maybe I'm so caught up with school, Scriptwriting, this is an example of a Breaking-Away Archetype. Haha. Someone's applying what she learnt here I see.

"Part of your world"

2007-12-29T12:13:00.000+08:00

Watched the video? I don't know why, but I'm inspired by even the slightest things like an ant. Hahaha. The thing is, I've no time to blog. So for now, it's 'Part of Your World', one of the songs from The Little Mermaid.

The Little Mermaid is and will always be my FAVOURITE Disney classic! =) I was on MSN with a Dear,

Me:
eh ***... when will we live happily ever after eh i mean.. evryone.. ok not everyone, but tehre are morons out terhe who are in love and we're just... in.. hades...

Her:
my life is getting pathetic each time the second hand on the clock ticks

Me:
=) aku nak nangis...

Her:
asal pulak?

Me:
lagu ni... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5a5Mp8tq-t4 membawe sejute kenangan
time kecik2, no worries, no care. yg worries pun, mainan tak cukup, nak makan chewing gum, takot mak marah, blum hafal lagu cartoon, nak pergi sch takot tak sempat tgk cartoon. barbie latest blum beli. play dough termix colours.

Her:
tuh aahh!

Me:
but "think about it yaaaa" (in teh words of bapak ranjeet teh red nose reindeer) maybe we were meant to be single cos we're destined for greater things in tiems to come =)

Hmm. To the ones not feeling good out there, we ARE destined for greater things to come! Don't worry darlings!!! Well, it's the break-up season now. It's the family-splitting season now. It's suicide-bombing season now. No matter what the seasons are, you can't change the world, but you can change YOU.

Choose not to be bothered! C'mon people! God, I sound like one hell of a motivational speaker or what?!

I miss the days where I'd dream the day away, sleep my worries away, toy my anger away... And everything away... Don't we all miss being the little us?

Now, we're involved with shits like politics, arguments, misunderstandings, quarrels, fights, disputes etc. Where is the love man? No wonder it was the song of... Whichever year.

Oh well, anyways, I shall leave this entry with Jessica Simpson's version of Part of Your World.

Oh, I shall spare the clickings, here's the lyrics.
And yes, some of the lines are in bold =)

(Maybe he's right. Maybe there is something the matter with me.
I just don't see how a world that makes such wonderful things could be bad.)

Look at this stuff
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has everything?
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Looking around here you think
Sure, she's got everything
I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs?
I've got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more

I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see, wanna see them dancin'
Walking around on those - what do you call 'em?
Oh - feet!

Flippin' your fins, you don't get too far
Legs are required for jumping, dancing
Strolling along down a - what's that word again?
Street

Up where they walk, up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free - wish I could be
Part of that world

What would I give if I could live out of these waters?
What would I pay to spend a day warm on the sand?
Bet'cha on land they understand
That they don't reprimand their daughters
Bright young women sick of swimmin'
Ready to stand

I'm ready to know what the people know
Ask 'em my questions and get some answers
What's a fire and why does it - what's the word?
Burn?

When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love, love to explore that shore up above?
Out of the sea
Wish I could be
Part of that world

---------------------------------------

Happy Birthday Afdhal

2007-12-29T09:28:00.001+08:00

Oh wow. 29th December 2007. WOW.

HAPPY 23RD BIRTHDAY AFDHAL.

All the best lah eh. Bertahun-tahun aku message and call kau. Tahun ni, lepas balak-balak tu. Oh da 23 tahun. Dah besar? Dah cukup MATANG? Ha baguslah gitu. Semoge bahagie dengan si die. Eh jap. MASIH HIDUP? Entahlah kan~

Oh if you're still there breathing, HAPPY 23RD!!! This is much, much, much funnier than I ever expected. Haha.

Khatulistiwa

2007-12-22T04:16:00.000+08:00

Here I am, just hours away from Khatu.

I'll be leaving for KL tomorrow night, I'm done with packing. I can't sleep, if I do, I'll probably wake up when Khatu ends. Haha.

Anyways, a very productive training just now. Very enlightening to see the full squad, like finally! I can't stop grinning. Everyone's presence touched me. Moved me.

Made the girls sit in circle, and good to hear everyone voicing out. Good to hear the babies maturing over the years/months. We've been through these over and over again, shows, Pentases, cry our heart out, share our thoughts, opinions, problems.

You Girls were such Darlings! All your words...
(Meh Mak type ikot colour baju kite, purple and yellow eh)

Wani
Really, THANK YOU. About your family, yes, Dikir is such a damned word, activity, lifestyle, whatever, you name it, it's just a damned thing in the eyes of our parents. Hope to spend quality time with you again.

Fathin
Nasib baik tak main Rebane eh? Hee. You've always been easy to handle. Love u!

Fish
Yes dear, U know how much I love you. Tak habis-habis holiday!

Ayu
Very mature (duh, awak kan dah berumur! Haha) About whatever happened, at least you're man enough to address it. Thanks for coming despite your busy schedule =)

Fauzana
Very insightful, you've grown babe. You highlighted some of the crucial points =)

Raziana
"Best jugak ah main bende tu" Apelah awak ni. Good, fast learner! =)

Saihah
Saihah... Muncung tu maintain eh! Mate tu jangan lah murder aku! Hahaha.

Fadilah
Fadilah Fadilah, jage tempo tu hah.

Rusy
Your 1st Khatu, cos ade camp last year, so... Enjoy babe!!!

Amirah
Meh sini Akak nyanyi sikit, "Relek, relek, take it easy" =) Takmolah nangis sbelum bersyarah =)

Miza
I feel you Dear. I managed to hold my tears, but U were the one who got it rolling down! I know what it's like when people clsoe to heart are not the people you once knew. A very very very moving note. Love your speech just now! =)

Ira
Whatever happened at home, let it be your motivation. My parents separate too. I can't say that I understand you 100% cos of course there are differences, but I know how it feels like. Trust me.

Faja
You're like Fathin, Chill Chill Leopard jer korang. Thanks for the commitment since Day 1. hugs!

Faz
Appreciate your presence. =) CABUT CDS PE? MAU PE? =D

Jaja
I agree with what U said just now. =) Love!

Hid
Despite working, thanks for committing, a fast learner with super absorbable brains. You're a Dear. keep up the good work!

Liyana
Honey, your situation is exemplary. For the sacrifices you've made for Nira, you deserve some packings on the back Girl!

Naq
=) You know I'm always here.

Ain
Can't thank you enough for ALL that youve done for Nira. EVERYTHING.

Caca
Tadi dah blah siang kan, THANK YOU for the commitment. Was very very impress with your hafalans. LU ROCK GUA PIA DUNIA AH BEB!

Appreciate all of that. I can go on and on, but I have other things to do, like uploading pictures and videos in my Multiply and Nira's. So... Yeah...

Hey Sayangs, I love you all. Bonding is important. Example- Ain, why would she even bother to come down? It's the bond she had with Nira. The bond and love.

If you Girls have problems, or whatever, I'm here. I've been there for some girls, and will always be here if you need meee!

I will miss you girls, too bad I'm going to KL straight after Khatu tonight. I wish I could stay longer with you girls!!! Really!!! I'll be back, and I'm sure I'll smile all the way from KL to Singapore =)

Okay aku NAK KEJUT KORANG-KORANG yang tinggal jauh!!!
GOOD MORNING!!!!!

Announcement.

Lela will be away from 22nd to 27th December.

She is still having multiple thoughts of the auto-roaming service.

BIG MOSQUITO

2007-12-21T05:34:00.000+08:00

OH MY GOD!!!

There was a HUGE mosquito in my room!

BAPAK SEGALA NYAMUK SIAK!

Marked Papers

2007-12-20T03:21:00.000+08:00

Being a lecturer rocks man. Well, one that lectures in private schools of course. It's so cool. I don't know. Should I? Riiiiight Lela, riiiiight!

My aunt is a Mass Comm lecturer, (won't tell you where, hee) and towards the end of the year like this, she has heaps of scripts to mark. Of course, I am her assistant! Weeeee~

Days ago, I went over to her place, and helped her with the markings. She was busy cleaning her room, well for Hari Raya Aidiladha of course. So the subject was Introduction to Journalism. Did that in year 1.

This is just one side of the table. And of course, I'm NEAT. Unlike my dear aunt!!! She was having her NTU examinations as well, that's why she put these markings on hold. She's my idol. Okay, Uztazah said you cannot say the word IDOL you know. Okay, not gonna sound like a preacher here.

So anyways... I envy strong, independent women. They're just... Great. =) I envy my aunt. Stong, smart, independent. She'll be done with her Masters soon. Wonder what the future has in store for me. Hmmm.....

Oh wait, before I publish this post, my aunt said days ago when she was cleaning the house, she browsed through old albums and saw pictures of my grandpapa -her dad, duh- emceeing events. Then she said, "I guess that's where... You know..." Then I went, "YAAA! I KNOW! IT RUNS IN THE BLOOD!!!" Hahahahaha.

If things were different, if my grandpapa is living at this time, say if he's in his 20s or 30s now, I think he would have -like my aunt and I- opt for Mass Comm too!

RIP THE SHIT OUT OF SOMEONE'S ASS.

2007-12-19T02:13:00.000+08:00

DON'T YOU JUST WISH YOU COULD

RIP THE

SHIT OUT OF SOMEONE'S ASS???

OR MAYBE A COUPLE OF ASSES.

ABG AKEM RETURNS!!!

2007-12-18T03:55:00.001+08:00

ABG AKEM RETURNS!!!

AND AND AND, HE BOUGHT ME A
CUTE LIVERPOOL BEAR!!!

YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE!!!

No, no, it doesn't come with the flowers. Those are positioned to compliment my Little Kimmy Bin Owen. Oh yes, that's its name. =)

I remembered Abg Akem told me he wasn't coming back this December. So it was supposed to be a surprise, well Hydil blew it away. Haha. Abg Akem planned to make me cry. Kak Emy, you're in it! Don't deny you hanjing! Phuck u ah! Haha~

Oh gosh, I can still remember those glorious days when I watch each and every Liverpool match. Okaaay, maybe not EACH AND EVERY, but most of it.

I use to have like... Tiny Michael Owen pictures in my... What do you call that... 'Plastic wallets' and have Michael Owens on alternate pages. Hahaha. Oh yes, 10 was my FAVOURITE number.

Okay, I shall snap some pictures of him. You know, I use to kiss these pictures every morning and every night before I go to bed. Haha. Okay hold on. I'll show you his GORGEOUS face.

Okay here it is. Hahahaha. Calendar, 1999. Oh my God, I remember using the my Hari Raya collection to buy this.

Fullamak, CUTE KE APE SIAK NI ANAK!!! COMEL-LOTEH!!! Oklah, laki aku dah tunggu atas katil. Yes Owen Honey here I come. Bye~

Lime-flavoured Toothpaste

2007-12-17T05:30:00.000+08:00

What's with Lime-flavoured toothpaste?

It feels like I'm eating some dish-washing detergent!!!

16 December 2007

2007-12-16T04:01:00.001+08:00

If I were still to be with that Asshole, it would be our 6 years.

No no no, don't get me wrong.
I am SO OVER him.

Yes, 6 years.

Kalau ade anak, anak kite dah K1 lah sial.
Next year K2.
Nenek kau berjambol ah.
Pergi isap kelengkang sotong. Chee bai.

Hahahahahaha.
Oh my God this is SO FUNNY!

Afdhal is the joke of my life man.
Haha Nisa laughed when I said that the other day.

Self-restraint

2007-12-02T23:48:00.000+08:00

Explaining verse 41:34 of the Qur'an,
Abdullah ibn Abbas said that those
who exercised self-restraint when angry,
or when confronted by mischief, would be protected by God.
He would force their enemies to bow down before them
as if they were His dear friends.
HADITH OF AL-BUKHARI

As NORMAL humans, inevitably we get angry. I guess what makes one different from the rest is the degree of self-restraint he has. I can be a patient person, oh yes I can. I have enough instances to support the sentence. Then again, my lips will always unveil strings of vulgarities. Well, of course, I CAN have control over that, but.....

As for me, when anger comes knocking on my door, my brains will work their asses off, figuring what should be done. Then again, at that point of time, of course I AM aware that I may not be in the right frame of mind to come up with rationale solutions.

I don't know about you, but I usually visualise myself doing something to that person. Say if I'm pissed with someone, I picture pulling her hair or strip her naked or throw her into a pool of hungry Piranhas. Hahaha. Or run a tractor over her. Like a million times until her brain smashes into juices.

Of course, I don't have a tractor. There are no rivers in Singapore with Piranhas. Pulling the person's hair is doable, but I choose not to. Self restraint? =) Hmm. Well, it's already satisfying enough for me. To visualise doing the stuffs I mean. So now you think I'm mean. I couldn't care less.

Wow. I sound angry. No I'm not. I'm just pissed with the kids here, still playing!!! And you know how kids are, noisy, whiny and irritating bunch of brats. Pests they are, they kept on... Urgh! Screaming. Hahaha. Minutes have passed midnight and they are still munching and eating and screaming and laughing. Oh well. I choose not to be affected.

I'm happy. I'm smiling. Self-restraint? You bet!

Guys nowadays

2007-12-02T03:17:00.000+08:00

------------------------------------------------------

I don't know about you, but I certainly don't entertain EVERYONE in Friendster. So I received a message,

hi there?u mind we makee thru here?i dun mind msging thru here,jus to each other well,u call me by the name of didi age 23..if u agree making fren with me,then i can proceed more introduction abt myself..anyway i live bedok..n i hope i get a positive reply from u..keep in touch,always...i guess this is a honest way to know u better..

I can't believe... I don't know what is with the people. I read the whole entire chunk in disbelief. I felt insulted. Do I look like I... Oh my God. I'm not someone who speaks English all the time, let alone PERFECT English, it's just that... Dude! You're 23 man! Not 3! Kalau kurang selesa dengan Bahasa Inggeris, tak ke senang berbual melayu dengan aku? Mak kau!

Ok, I'm feeling bitchy. Let's mark this 'assigment'.

hi there? - What is with the question mark? Ok fine. I'll close one eye.
u mind we makee thru here? - Sumpah aku tak paham. Ape maksud ni? Ya allah. Make make make. Make love kape?! Cakap lah make friends!
i dun mind msging thru here,jus to each other well,u call me by the name of didi age 23.. - What's with 'jus to each other well'? Boleh tak check balik, sbelum send. 'u call me by the name of didi age 23' I'm beginning to think he's from Malaysia or something. This isn't a typo error, this is ERROR OF THE CENTURY!
if u agree making fren with me,then i can proceed more introduction abt myself.. - He really needs to go back to school.
anyway i live bedok.. - Wah hebat sey live bedok.
n i hope i get a positive reply from u.. - Hahahahahahahahahahaha Seems like... Hahahaha as if I'm pregnant with his child or something, 'POSITIVE reply' What the hell!!!
keep in touch,always... - Wow! Such a demanding statement!
i guess this is a honest way to know u better.. - Sigh. A honest. A honest. Maybe he speaks like this, "Can I have a egg with 2 hotdogs? Can I have a apple?"

I'm not trying to be mean, it's just that. It's a shame to have these people in our society. Singapore. And to think that this is where the smart-asses are from. Such a shame.

It's more like... I feel insulted. Haha. In a way. Like if those matreps message "HI BOLEH KENAL-KENAL?" Pantang siol aku! Like... Do I look like I belong to your kind? Yes, I judge. I can't help it if one messages me like that. And their profile, OH MY GOD, all those minahs posting their comments.

There's a rising trend, they'll comment "Thanks for adding" with their pictures and stuffs, these people, no-brainers, didn't even graduate but proficient with technology. How ironic. Sorry, yes I'm blasting, so much for my previous entry of self-restraint. Haha.

The influx of these unwanted species bothers me. Hahahaha. Ha. Ha. So irritating! Then again, I judge people by their profile. I keep on telling myself, maybe they're different. Like some of my close friends, their profile are filled with rubbish too. If I don't know them, I'll think they're just another ass, but hey! They're nice people. SO STOP JUDGING LELA!

Then there are people, so full of themselves, all 100 pictures of themselves. Haha. Hey hey, I have pictures with my friends okay! Extreme narcissist! Haha. Especially those minahs and mats, same place, same smile, same POSE. OH MY GOD! SOMEBODY KILL ME NOW!

Which reminds me of something!!! Just now, I browsed a friend's testimonials, then landed on this person's profile. I REALLY HAD GOOSEBUMPS looking at her pictures. Oh my God. REALLY. What is with the world man!!!

Whatever it is, God bless these people.